Saturday, December 31, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
They say this holiday is about spending time with your family; all I want to do is think about myself. Everyone is wrong!! It's about GOD, and we need to be thinking about him, not our families, not ourselves, not the stuff that we unwrap from underneath the tree. I HATE THIS HOLIDAY!!
Merry Christmas Eve......
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Why is it that I don't have any matches yet on eHarmony? Not a HUGE deal, it's just a little anoying. I want to meet someone!
Gabe needs help. He adopted a cat yesterday (stray in the school across from his folks' house) and at the moment he can't afford to take the cat to the vet. He want's to take care of the cat, but he might be forced to take him to a shelter. Please help save Max by clicking on Gabe's link. Donate some money through the paypal button.
Ok, that's all for now.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Oh, Gabe hasn't posted anything for Flatiron City this week, so if you bugged him enough, he might get something up.
Friday, December 09, 2005
I went down to my grandparents' for dinner, then around 9, we went to the theater. I wanted to get a drink with my friends, so we went to D&B. The bartender recommended this watermelon, vodka drink, that was ok, but too sweet. Gabe bought that and the Chocolate Cake shot that I did. That was good. Then I tried a weird drink that had vodka, gin, rum, and tequila. It was supposed to have hard cider to cut it, but they didn't have any cider, so I got Coors light :P It was really weird.
I have no problem with being a lightweight, and I'm glad Gabe and Steve weren't the kind of guys to get me drunk. They let me have three, then we went to the theater and watched Narnia. Check that one out, I'm going to try and see it again.
So that's it, I tried some new stuff, discovered my limits on alcohol consumption without getting drunk, and I got home safely. All in all, it was a good birthday.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
Then I woke up:-( It was just a dream. I want an apple store next to where I work:-(
Saturday, December 03, 2005
I'm enjoying writing. That's all I have to say for now.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Moving on. Tomorrow is Friday. That means a Flatiron post should be up, but I don't know if Gabe will be able to get his story finished in time.
So, my holidays are coming out with a good start. I had a good day today. I keep getting this feeling that things are going to pick up for me, but that "event" is just out of reach! I can almost reach it, if I try, but I'm trying not to try for it. I'm looking forward the future, but I need to get my relationship with God back in order. I keep falling behind. But I do want that bright future!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Just had to get that out of my system.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
Saturday, November 12, 2005
I'm not feeling up to par either. I've been trying to get over a cold for a week, and even though I don't feel sick, I'm physically exhausted. It's taxing to breathe, I just want to sleep. But at the same time, I want to go out and do something.
*sigh* I guess I'll just coast through the rest of my vacation.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Enjoy the togetherness, feel the love! Have we really forgotten what this holiday is about? I wince in pain as I sit here thinking about the abomination it has become.
You may say, "But Giles, many people still celebrate Christmas for what it truly is about. Does your family not?"
As a matter of fact they do. And my entire family on my Dad's side is going to be in town this year, which means that when I'm not working, I'll be with them. Trying to make them feel important. It is important to me to give due respect to my Grandparents on their 50th aniversary, but everyone else is going to want to fill the time with worthlessness. There's no point. I gain a few trinkets, work my butt off, but all in all I'll be wasting yet another Christmas.
Three years in a row my Christmas is going to end up shite in a leaky bucket. And I'm pretty dead set on letting it.
"The holiday is what you make it." That's a lie. If it was true, I'd make it disappear.
I HATE CHRISTMAS.
But on the other hand, I love Christmas. December is my time of the year. I just long for it to mean more than it does. I see all these movies where Christmas is the time when magic happens, but life's not like the movies. Magic never happens. Some day, Christmas will be magic for me again! I SWEAR. I refuse to let the women in and out of my life ruin my holiday for the third year!
I love Jesus, and this Holiday is about Him. If I have to suffer through my family to honor Him, then that's what I'll do.
My Love, I long to spend this christmas with you, but I haven't even met you yet. Maybe next year.
Some day, in London.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
I couldn't find an official movie site, but you can view the trailer through Warner Independent, or on the iMusic site through iTunes.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Now, I know I have readers, a few loyal friends here and there. How do I get more? I want as many readers as I can get. But I want to write, so I'm going to finish my breakfast, get dressed, and get some writing done.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
But I wanted music:-(
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
So you’ve come to hear a legend. You were right to come to me; I am the only one who knows the whole story. Where shall I begin? Ah, yes.
In the beginning, a great being ruled creation. You would call him God, and that would not be wrong, but his name is much greater than that. Over the years, though, mortal man has forgotten his name, which is a pity since it is such a beautiful name.
Now, in the beginning, the nameless One ruled creation, but creation was quite empty, so he created the planets. He grew plants and animals, separating their homes with water. The animals did not fill the lonely void He felt, though, so he created men, giving them rule over the land and its inhabitants.
The nameless One saw that his people worked ceaselessly on the land in order to make it prosper, and though that pleased Him, He knew that is was not good. In a truly inspired moment, the nameless One created day and night, naming them Allion and Dellith, and commanded them to guard the planets. When Allion looked on the land, the people would work, and then man would rest under the watchful eye of Dellith.
Now this arrangement pleased everyone involved for quite some time, but after many years, Dellith desired to observe the people at work, so he encroached on Allion’s watch. Allion, desiring rest from his labor, did the same to Dellith, and though both wanted to experience the other’s charge, neither was willing to relinquish their duty.
The Great One saw what happened in His creation and stepped in saying, “I have given each of you a task, if you do not approve of my judgment, tell me and I will remove you from it.”
Allion and Dellith, thinking that they would be given something greater, perhaps a planet of their own to rule, both declared that they did not like their job.
Knowing their thoughts, the Great One said, “The power I gave to you, I will not remove, but from this day forward you will rule only those deceived into following you. I will take charge of the days and the seasons. Further more, I will cast you from my presence. But do not be deceived, everything you do will be known to me.”
On that day, the Great One formed a void and cast Dellith and Allion from His sight.
To this day, the pair fight for control of the people, reaching into the land of men and misleading many. We follow one or the other of them as if they are gods. In fact, over the centuries, most of us have chosen one or the other of them. We forgot the True One, and generations were condemned to the void to spend eternity with their preferred master.
Many centuries after the creation of the void, the True One revealed Himself to his people again, drawing a small number of them to Him. Many of us turned to The Way, the simple men allowed to choose, but those who worked in the
Friday, October 14, 2005
I know I should be motivating myself to get some writing done, that is after all my passion, but as I sit unloading the contents of my brain, I am rather surprised by the speed at which I type. I need to get all this stuff out. Since I heard from Elizabeth two weeks ago, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, and that's pissing me off. I don't want to think about her, I don't want to have anything to do with her, but I seem incabable of hating her, and I don't want to, I just want to forget her. I wish she could read this so she would know, cause if I told her I'm afraid I'd hurt her, and I don't want to do that, I just want to forget her, move on with my life.
That's another thing, I want to get my life moving again. I feel so stagnant. Tom is still thinking about aplying for that job, instead of actually doing it. I just want something to happen. I'm tired of waiting around, and I don't know what to do. I never seem to have anything to do but wait. The little action I ever get is over so quickly, then I spend more and more time waiting.
When will it be my turn for life to happen? My family is getting along nicely in their business, Gabe has tons going on; his blog, his family, his job. Steve likewise.
Tyler is joining the army, ships out nov 3. Tom has a booming social life. It seems I just am the boring one, as always. When do I get to write happy blogs, instead of feeling like b**ching about what's not happening to my life.
I just feel like my life is being wasted. Give me something to do, let me hang out with people, let me talk to someone. I'm sick of living life by myself. I want to share it with someone. I want to do more than just work in a bookstore. I want to write, but when will I get any good at it? I want to pay off my car, I want to go to London. I want to stop living MY life. I want the life in my dreams, where I mean something to everyone around me, and I enjoy everything that I do. I want to do something that really means something to ME. Not putzing around for two or three more years, waiting for something to happen. I want OPPORTUNITIES, I want something to HAPPEN!!!!! When? Why must I continue to wait? When will I get out of my rut?
I feel like the black sheep. Why am I so different? When will I be remembered. I know what's going to happen too: Gabe's going to read this, and he's going to write a comment about how I do mean smething to people, how God's timing is perfect, I just need to be patient. Erik might say something encouraging too, but that won't change how I feel.
I used to have a good deal of people in my life, people I could rely on, and not all of them were guys. I know we can never go back to the way things were. But I want women in my life again. I so want to share my life with a special one, and as I sit here, at my keyboard, struggling to contain my tears, I just wonder, when will my suffering end? When will I get to praise God for the big things, instead of just for the small. I know He still loves me, and I am greatful for the small things in my life, but I feel just so empty and alone. I don't want to do this anymore.
Tom, my supervisor, was planning on applying for a manager position at a local coffee chain because he's not making enough money at the store. That would suck because I like having both Tom and Tyler around, but if Tom leaves, I would hopefully (being groomed for it) get a promotion. I really want a promotion. I would deffinitely use the money wisely, cause I'd get a raise as well.
Anyway, that's about it for me, new Flatiron post will be up by noon.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Sunday, October 02, 2005
My relationship with God, my job, my friendships with Gabe and Steve, and Flatiron City are my biggest priorities. They take up most of my time, so even if I wanted to spend time with Elizabeth again, I don't have time. I can't make time either. I need to get ahead of the game with Flatiron, I'm going to be getting some overtime at the store two weeks this month, and I have church a half an hour away from where I live two nights a week. I just don't want to spend any more energy than I am. But most of all, I WON'T get myself into a position to get hurt.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
My hours next week are low, but I'm gonna try to cover a shift or something. I know God will provide for me, he always has. I'm not worried.
So I'm sitting at my computer, I have Cowboy Bebop (best show of all time) playing in the background, and I want to write a story. So here goes:
An ealy night, I guess. Sun's just barely setting, but I think I'll turn in. How did I get here anyway? Oh! That's right; it all started six years ago, on a warm, starlit night.
She sat with her back to me, the lanterns grew dim as the fuel ran low. The innkeeper hollered out, "Time to go, the lights are low, now get out, or I'll kill you!"
He sang that every night, I taught it to him, learned in my traveling days. He thought it was funny, so did I. Where was I....oh yeah, the girl. As the tavern patrons made their way home, she just sat still, head bowed, her beautiful red hair conceiling a sad smile. "It's time to leave," I said. "Rooms are all full, and I know you're not renting a single one."
A tear dropped onto her table.
"That's not going to get you a room-"
"You knew my father, didn't you?" She looked directly into my eyes, I nearly fell over.
Yeah, I'd known her father. We were bounty hunters together, but that was another life, I didn't even fight anymore, and I said as much.
"Please help me," she smiled.
I had to choke back tears, her green eyes glistened in the fading light. "I can't help anyone any more." I turned to go to my room, but she placed her hand gently on my arm.
"I don't need much. Please, for my father."
I motioned for the innkeeper to bring us another pitcher of ale. I told him I would close up when we were done. I sat across from her and looked in those pretty green eyes. "Tell me what you need."
She reach up her hand and placed it on my cheek. She leaned over the table and kissed me. Not as a lover, more like....a...sister! My heart nearly stopped in my chest. I'd never experienced this kind of tenderness from someone before. "Just give me a place to stay."
What can I say? You'd like to think I would do the right thing, help out the daughter of an old friend, but did I make the right decision? I've asked myself that question for six years. That is why I lay down every night, before the sun sets.
Ok, it fizzled out in the end, maybe I'll come back and do something with it, but it's 1:40 now, and I'm tired. I can't think anymore. Goodnight.
We want to have something up every week. We're gonna push for fridays, but since we had this one finished on a tuesday, we posted it. Ok, enough reading of this, go check out the site!!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
That's all for now.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
Fun fun fun. I'll just blurb here for now, cuz I can't think and I don't have time to play any guild wars stuff right now.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I need to be able to hang out with people my age, but I don't know where to meet them.
I also don't want to have another girlfriend..............EVER!!!! Dating is a WASTE OF TIME!! I want to get to know someone and see them at their worst and their best. People who are dating tend to put their best foot forward. That's LYING!!!! I want honesty, but I don't know where to find it.
I don't want to be lonely anymore. I know I'm not alone, I just feel lonely.
Friday, July 15, 2005
I want to know what God wants me to do with my life, but I just don't know how to figure that out. I was moving in the direction that I believed He'd called me to move in, but that involved someone else, and she isn't going that way now, and I can't do this alone. I know I've been called to a life that requires me to work with others, especially a wife, but now that the only person I've ever truly wanted to marry, and still do, has gone, I don't know where to turn. My life doesn't hinge on that, but now the vision is gone and I just feel lost.
I want to go home, but where is my home? Where do I go from here? What can I do with my life? Am I worth having around?
I know God wants me to continue the Bible study because people keep showing up, but aside from that I have no clue. I don't want to leave Colorado, but there aren't any good Christian schools here. The only Christian university in town teaches unbiblical lies as fact, and they refuse to change.
What next God?
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Onto new stuff. Elizabeth and I are officially broken up, and I'm not anymore. I'm excited for where God is leading me.
I had an interview last Thursday for the Cafe Supervisor position at another store, and I should hear back by the end of the week whether or not I got the job. It would be nice to work at that store, and the job itself is really exciting.
If I don't get that job, I'll really look into going to school. I want to go to England when I pay off my car, but I would still love to go to Cambridge University. I'll look into Moody Bible Institute, one of the best bible schools in the world, but other than that the only thing I can think of to move forward is Police academy. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do next.
I bought some new music the other day, "Jaku" by DJ Krush (this guy rocks, if you get a chance check him out)m "Exodus" by Utada (cute girl, decent voice, worthy buy), " '64-'95 " by lemon Jelly (cool dance music, not sure yet how to describe it) and "Who Killed..." by The Zutons (rocks big time, one of the coolest rock albums I've heard in a long time).
I also bought the three books from Megatokyo.com, the webcomic. I really like the place, and I wanted Gabe to be able to read them, but since he has Dialup, I bought the books for him to borrow. I think that's all the news that is news, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
The pain brings this madness time and again, I cannot control it, it won't go away. Around me it seems everything is in order, I do as I'm told by the One who rules me, and yet I am punished for a crime uncommitted, thrown from the path that He led me on. Who is wrong, the pained or the punisher? I want to believe that I am in the wrong, but the more I look at it, I cannot find my fault. I don't want to hate, to blame the one I love, and so the madness sets it, trying to confuse my mixed up thoughts.
The order of things has been run into the ground, as I lay here in torment, I begin to hear sounds. What is that, someone crying? Yes, it is I. For the pain that makes me feel like I'm bursting won't subside. I desire peace, an end to my torment, I cry for mercy, justice and rest. I do not wish to die, don't get me wrong. I long for sleep, but it will not come.
Oh to sleep in the arms of my Savior, the peace that He brings would be welcome now. To lay my head against His shoulder, never again to wake, that is what I desire. An end to my pain that inconveniences no one. But this peace will not come, so I resign myself to madness. Pain is my life, should I laugh.....or ignore it?
Saturday, June 25, 2005
My faith will remain strong. God is my savior, I can't live without Him. I can live without Elizabeth, even though that hurts, it's possible, but I can't let go of God just because I don't see his plan.
It doesn't change my feelings toward her, I would still lay down my life for her, if that's what God wanted.
On another note, Gabe and I will be starting another Blog. This is going to be an awesome story, that may have a bunch of elements to it that will apeal to several different audiences. We'll keep you posted, but this is super exciting.
After I pay off my car (sometime this winter) I'm going to take a small vacation. I want to go to England!!! It'll be fun. Anyway, that's all the news that is news. I don't know who is reading this, but if it's Elizabeth, I'm praying for you, God will continue to lead you as long as you are willing to follow. Be willing to sacrifice what you want for what He tells you is best.
Monday, June 20, 2005
It doesn't hurt anymore, the conversation confirmed things in my life and my relationship with God, and I know this is best. That doesn't mean I don't still want to be with her, but that will come and go. I know God has different plans for our lives, and I pray he will bless the both of us as we seek out our futures in Him.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
Elizabeth and I talked to our parents on Monday about marriage. We're kind of considering next April, but we're open to God changing that. Elizabeth's parents think we are moving to fast, and mine think we are moving too slow. We'll just continue to pray and try to do what God wants us to do.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
I've been playing guitar a bit, I'm enjoying being able to play things I couldn't play before, but I can't write lyrics anymore. I just feel like I can't write anything anymore. My creativity is gone. I want to be a writer, but if I can't write any more what am I going to do?
Creativity has seeped from my mind, I lose my trains of thought before they leave the station. I run out of fuel and I just give up. I live out my life as if this is all there is. My life is forfeit to God, but what is He doing with it? I'm excited to begin this bible-study on tuesday. Fellowship is something I miss. I have meaning in life, but the things I enjoy have gone from my life.
I want to disappear for a while, be on my own with no obligation to anyone, really find myself. England sounds nice.
I'm happy Elizabeth is back in town, I missed her while she was gone. I can't wait until we can start our life together. As to how England relates to this, I would love for her to come with me.
I need to get my life with God fully straight before Elizabeth and I can start our life together though. I'm sure she'll read this, but she knows my heart and how important my relationship with God is to me. He will always be first in my life, and I know that will make our relationship stronger. I pray that she'll continue to put God before me in her life as well.
I care about her so much. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I leave it in God's hands, but I do get impatient now and then. It's not bad, but sometimes I just want what I want when I want it. God's timing is perfect, mine is flawed like none other, so I'll wait. I just want to make her happy, help make her life easy. But that's not life. It's never easy, even with God. He puts difficulties in our way to make us trust him, and I don't want my interference to get in the way of her relationship with Him. But sometimes it's hard to watch people you care about suffer. I never want to spare her from a chance to grow. Pain often leads to growth, I know, I've experienced a great deal of it in my short life. Not to the same degree as others, but pain is pain. It hurts and seems like it'll never go away, like you'll never recover, but God can use it to make you stronger, if you let Him.
Now that I've rambled, I'll let you get on with your life.
Till next time.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Our bible study is starting up on tuesday. I don't know who'll be there, but I know God will bring the right people. I know Gabe wants to come and Elizabeth will be there. Her sister and brother in-law are in town, so I'm going to try to get them to come. Other than that, who knows.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
Monday, April 11, 2005
It snowed yesterday, almost 2 feet in my part of town. It was cool. I didn't get to work much though, but I think I'll live.
Elizabeth and I have gotten our first "gig", we'll be leading worship at the youth group of my church on May 12. I'm excited that things are starting to happen. We already chose four worship songs, and we'll be doing one song that she wrote also. Pray for us.
I think that's all the news that is news, until next time, I'm Giles.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Monday, March 07, 2005
I'm trying to get back into my writing, but that seems like the only thing I can do. The music thing has come to a screeching halt, at least on my end. Elizabeth is still writing songs, songs that astound me, but there really isn't much that I can do with her career. I don't know how to work the taxes if we make somehow manage to get ahold of the money we need to record the album, and I have now idea how we'll even get the money. There are just so many things that I need to do, stuff that God needs to provide a way for, and I'm going to try to be patient, but I don't believe that God wants me just sitting on my hands until something happens.
So that's my frustration, but I can praise God that I got a raise, that I'll be getting the hours I need to pay off my car earlier and save up to move out and ge married, but that's about it right now.
Friday, February 25, 2005
In other news, Elizabeth and I are "official". We are "dating while pursuing a deeper relationship". That means we're really serious. I really like her, and I can't believe she's with me. God has blessed me greatly since Sara dumped me:-)
I'm almost done with Chapter 4 in my book too (first draft). Um... that's all I can think of to update now.
Friday, January 14, 2005
God please lead me.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
It's snowing again, they're expecting four to five inches in some places, which sucks because I bought a manual, and I don't know how to drive one yet, so my parents are "letting" me use their car, which needs to get the brakes fixed. Oh well, I'll be working on that this afternoon anyway.
Friday, January 07, 2005
So, next week I'm going to go get a "new" car, probably a certified preowned Civic. That's exciting, but I don't know if I'm working enough hours to be able to afford it. I'm sure I'm over-estimating the cost, and I am get more hours at work, so we'll see.
In my last post I told you I had a potential project in the works; I'm probably going to become the manager for my friend Elizabeth. She wants to be a professional singer, so I'm going to see if I can help her get on the road. Ever since I heard her sing 4 1/2 years ago, I knew she had a future as a performer. She also has an incredible heart for other. I love how much she cares for others, how she wants to minister to those around her.
I'm sure this sounds like a rather simple arangement, now here's where it starts to complicate; when I first started to get to know Elizabeth, I started getting a "crush" on her. She didn't like me "that way" which was hard, but we still grew as friends (groovey, thumbs up). This "I like you, but you don't like me" thing went on for a little over three years, when it got so bad that we finally decided it had to end. That was the end of the friendship for nearly eight months.
Now, a little over a year since we said goodbye, I found out that Elizabeth likes me. Funny, huh? We both thought so too, becuase I'm not ready for a relationship. That's not to say I don't like her, I'm just not at a place in my life where it can work. I know, if we're both willing to try, anything can work, but I want to make sure I'm pointed in the direction God wants me to go in before I start including others that deeply in my life. I need to make sure that God is the center of my life to such a degree that I'll never lose focus on him.
But at the same time, I know Elizabeth would always encourage me spiritually. I guess the biggest thing is I like where our friendship is now. They say, "Why ruin a good thing." But I don't consider this a "good" thing, this is great. Our friendship, the trust we have, and how comfortable we are just hanging out is GREAT! I just don't want to ruin that.
So I ramble on because I need to be in the habit of writing, even if this writing has nothing to do with my projects. I don't care if anyone reads this or not, but this is easier on my hands that writing in a journal. It's helping me organize my thoughts too.
I know I need to get my car nailed down first, then I need to get back with my writing and work with Elizabeth, after that, school, but who knows from there? We'll see.
Thank you God for your guiding hand in my life.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
No more Portland number, means only people who I choose to share the number with can get a hold of me anymore. Take that all you who WRONGED me. Never shall you get a chance to redeem yourselves! HA!!
Have a good week.