Friday, January 07, 2005

Time to knuckle down

Now that I've taken nearly two months of from writing, it's time to get back into the swing. Unfortunately, I still can't think, so instead of working on one of my projects, I'm going to "rant" on my blog. (That is, after all, why I started this thing.)

So, next week I'm going to go get a "new" car, probably a certified preowned Civic. That's exciting, but I don't know if I'm working enough hours to be able to afford it. I'm sure I'm over-estimating the cost, and I am get more hours at work, so we'll see.

In my last post I told you I had a potential project in the works; I'm probably going to become the manager for my friend Elizabeth. She wants to be a professional singer, so I'm going to see if I can help her get on the road. Ever since I heard her sing 4 1/2 years ago, I knew she had a future as a performer. She also has an incredible heart for other. I love how much she cares for others, how she wants to minister to those around her.

I'm sure this sounds like a rather simple arangement, now here's where it starts to complicate; when I first started to get to know Elizabeth, I started getting a "crush" on her. She didn't like me "that way" which was hard, but we still grew as friends (groovey, thumbs up). This "I like you, but you don't like me" thing went on for a little over three years, when it got so bad that we finally decided it had to end. That was the end of the friendship for nearly eight months.

Now, a little over a year since we said goodbye, I found out that Elizabeth likes me. Funny, huh? We both thought so too, becuase I'm not ready for a relationship. That's not to say I don't like her, I'm just not at a place in my life where it can work. I know, if we're both willing to try, anything can work, but I want to make sure I'm pointed in the direction God wants me to go in before I start including others that deeply in my life. I need to make sure that God is the center of my life to such a degree that I'll never lose focus on him.

But at the same time, I know Elizabeth would always encourage me spiritually. I guess the biggest thing is I like where our friendship is now. They say, "Why ruin a good thing." But I don't consider this a "good" thing, this is great. Our friendship, the trust we have, and how comfortable we are just hanging out is GREAT! I just don't want to ruin that.

So I ramble on because I need to be in the habit of writing, even if this writing has nothing to do with my projects. I don't care if anyone reads this or not, but this is easier on my hands that writing in a journal. It's helping me organize my thoughts too.

I know I need to get my car nailed down first, then I need to get back with my writing and work with Elizabeth, after that, school, but who knows from there? We'll see.

Thank you God for your guiding hand in my life.

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