Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
I'm typing out my step sheet now. I want to have all revisions done by the time school starts so I can get audience input on any changes and/or additions to be made. I hope to start writing hard-core by May, but school may interfere.
Anyway, off to bed.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
On a similar note, I've been longing for marriage again, and I know that will bring me down some. That's another reason why I want to spend time with my friends. It's either that or working on that bottle of Jameson I have in the freezer (not desirable). So, pray that I don't get depressed this Christmas. Pray that I bring glory to God, and that I will patiently wait for the woman God has for me.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
I beat the Legend of Zelda game for the Wii.....awesome. I don't do reviews, but if you want to know how it went, ask me in person.
As much as I've liked having a three day weekend, I'm actually glad to be working tomorrow. It'll give me something to do.
Not much writing done today because of the digging.
Tired, gonna get more food, watch a movie, maybe drink some Jameson (Mmm, yummm :)).
See ya'll later.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I got some writing done, and I think I'll be able to make my deadline for the stepsheet. I'm excited!
Off to dream of a beautiful Irish lass......if you know any looking for marriage send her my way ;)
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Ol’ Topply’s Tears
Old dear Topply plays his fiddle quick as a sprite
While young, sweat Brynly dances on his right.
Gaily they sing of days gone by
While tears of great joy stream out of my eye.
I sit and sip on a pint glass o’ beer,
Rememb’rin’ the love of a summer last year;
She’d orn’ment herself in the lilies of spring
And dance in the center of mystic Faery rings.
Topply now changes to a tune of despair,
Sweat young Brynly unties her red hair.
The fiddle it moans of a winter gone past
And a love and a loss of Topply’s Ol’ Lass
Her name was Faer Finola, her hair was bright as gold,
But the heavens came and took her as the air grew still and cold.
Nine months she’d been with child, nine months she’d swelled with joy,
For Topply and Finola thought they’d raise a grand ol’ boy.
But as the snows started fallin’ on the roofs of our small town,
Finola’s pain came on her so the midwife laid her down.
“Oh no the pain ain’t stoppin’,” cried the nurse with much alarm.
Poor Topply ran in prayin’, but the birth had done its harm.
Finola laid there cold in bed not a breath left in her breast,
But Topply stemmed the flow of tears and held his baby to his chest.
He looked down at the newborn child with a curly lock o’ red,
“I think I’ll call you Brynly, dear, from a book that I once read.”
As I heard Sweat Brynly’s tail, I rose up to my feet
“Ol’ Topply, here’s to you good man,” and I downed my liquid peat.
Ol’ Topply raised his hand to mine as I walk on toward the door,
Brynly smiled her thanks to me, like her mother years before.
The project was to write a story poem inspired by another poem. I chose a poem written by J.R.R. Tolkien, but I have to admit that I was also listening to a Flogging Molly CD (can't remember which one). No, I did not copy any of their ideas, I just felt like I was writing something that reminded me of something. Think whatever you like about the poem, I know it's not all that good, especially compared to Tolkien.
If you want to read the orriginal, it can be found here. You'll need to scroll down a bit because the entire month is archived, and this was a very active month for us.
P.S. I'm not gay, so stop asking. (long story)
P.P.S. I need a girlfriend.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
Anyway, I rolled my window down, and the officer assures me that I'm not getting pulled over for a traffic violations (which was good because I hadn't committed one!). He asked me if I lived at the apartment complex that I just pulled out from, I said no, but I was there hanging out with friends every Sunday. Then he asked me if I knew anything about the "guy on the bike". You see, Justin doesn't have a car, so he rides his bike everywhere. He is also black and has dreadlocks about two and a half feet long. I chuckled mildly (maybe nervously) and said, "Yeah, he's one of the guys who I hang out with every week. He's also one of my coworkers."
The officer told me that Justin looked like a guy they'd arrested a couple months ago for spraypainting in that complex, and he just wanted to make sure it wasn't happening again, though how anyone could tell that Justin looked like anyone other than Jr. Gong with as little light as there was on that particular street is beyond me. I assured the policeman that Justin was not the same man, and then I caught up to Justin, who was riding his bike on the same street that I was on, and related the amusing incident to him.
Now, I know some of you might get mad at this "racial profiling", but when you hang out with Justin as much as I do, it doesn't bother you that much. Justin might have gotten mad, but I didn't see it. I think he just found it funny in an "I'm disappointed in humanity" kind of way.
That's my anecdote for the day, now that I have a day off from work, I'm going to work on more homework :(
PS, blogger spellcheck wanted me to replace "dreadlocks" with "teratology". Bwuh?
Saturday, November 04, 2006
On that note, I never want to date. Just thought I'd reiterate that point from over a year ago (for those of you keeping up) I never, EVER want to date ever again. I just want to get married, at some point. Have fun.
PS, I'm watching High Fidelity again.
Edit: I finally saw Heroes today.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
About my flipping out yesterday, I know Heroes is just a TV show, but for some reason it makes me feel better about myself. So maybe I'm going through some early life crisis (too young for midlife). Anyway, sometimes I feel like I'm being scattered and pulled in too many directions and failing at most of my attempts to do something for other people. I've done many things for self-improvement, and they are taking effect, but I feel like the people who are important to me aren't getting the greatest benefits from my presence, if any.
I really want to help people and it seems like there are too many to help and I don't have enough resourses to help them. I did have a positive effect on one of my coworkers this week, though, so that's a praise.
Please pray that I continue to seek God with my entire being, especially since I don't really have a church to call home. That's something that I miss. I know I have Bible study on thursday nights, but I want a church service too.
So that's me.
Who wants to party?
Monday, October 30, 2006
This is the only thing I can do on mondays that helps me to relax, and now I missed it. I feel like I've been punched in the gut.
And any of you who have anything to say about me getting upset about not getting to watch my show....you have rituals that keep you sane durring the week so don't say a word unless you can get the episode to me in HiDef!
Agghh! Makes me so MAD, especially because I go out of my way for the people that did this to me when they want to watch a show, or have me record it. Is this too much to ask for? One night in the week where I get to watch something that helps me relax? It's better than drinking!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
That's right, I should be working on my essay, but do I want to do that? No. Why? Because I need help from a tutor anyway, I'll get my thoughts sorted out, and then I'll work with her. So no rush.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Here goes the junkfood:
Hi, my name is Pierre. I was born in Montreal, but I live in Denver, CO. You might be thinking to yourself, "Well, I know your name, but who are you?" Well, that's a good question. Who are any of us, really? But I'm sure you don't really care, phillosophically speaking. I am a hitman. "Really," you think. "That seems a little cliche, especially considering the person writing this story." Well, it's the truth, and you can take any preconceived notions about how this is going to turn out and place them in a location to be disclosed at a later date.
I live in Denver because it's beautiful here, and I've been shadowing my current target for the last two years.
"Who is he?" you ask.
Well, what makes you think it's a "he"? It's not nice to assume. Besides, if I told you his name (go ahead and grin, it is a man) you'd be able to tell the cops who killed him. I can see him from where I sit, though. He's sitting on a couch in a local coffee shop, listening to music, I think. He has books spread out around him, but he isn't really looking through any of the. I'm sure you and I both think he's taking a break from studying.
Can you see him? He has short hair, a little scruffy. He thinks it's fassionable, but the blue jeans and tee shirt contradict that statement. His glasses have a simmilarly fassionable look to them, almost as if he belongs in nice suit. He should eat more, too.
Why do you care about where we are? Leave it alone, I can't tell you.
He's typing away on a laptop, probably for a class. I wonder if he know's I'm watching him.
No, I'm not going to kill him yet, there's too many people in here.
Oh, he's getting up. He's walking over to the counter, ordering a drink. Going to smoke while your drink is being made? Bad move. I pack up my things, step outside, I introduce myself and shake his hand. He doesn't know that I just poisoned him with a needle in my palm!
It won't be long now, he'll go back inside, get his drink, sit back down to type some more, but by the time he
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
On a heavier note, my dad woke up this morning with a terrible pain in his side. They (my parents and little brother) were staying at a restarea for the night, but they were close enough to Russel Kansas to get him to a hospital. Turns out he had a kidney stone....OUCH!
He got ambulanced over to Hayz, where a surgeon removed the stone(s). So my family is staying at a hotel in Kansas tonight.
On a lighter note, it's snowing.....has been most of the day! Awesome....bout time! I love the snow.
Watching High Fidelity now......on of my favorite movies EVER!
I should be finishing my rrj for intro to lit, but I don't feel like it. I studied most of the day, and I'm just completely worn out. Besides, I'll study tomorrow.
I think next semester I'm going to take my classes a bit lighter so I can work on writing too. I don't even want to take most of the required classes for the AA, not to mention the BA. I just want to write, but I need the education (not the degree) if I want to be a professional writer. The degree wouldn't hurt my job options.
Back to my life.
Monday, October 16, 2006
On to other things.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
So....conversations. I want to talk with people. "Bible study" tonight was kinda boring. Nobody showed up so we sat around and watched TV. Instead of doing something fun, like playing a board game or going out somewhere. I shoulda said something, but they opened the beers before I had the chance.
So, maybe that's why I want to "date" someone. But I don't want to date anyone. I just want to hang out with a bunch of my friends and talk about God. That's what I really want. :P
Friday, September 29, 2006
I need a drink. Too bad I need to pick my mom up from the airport.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Anyway, I think I have an idea for my RRJ, so I'm going to go into my word program and write that. Enjoy your day.
P.S. When I've completed this semester, I might just post some of the stuff I wrote on this blog, if any of you are interested in reading it.
P.P.S. I'm working on stuff for FC, so when I have time, we'll see some stories again! YAY
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
School's going well, as far as I can tell, but I have some revision to do on this week's work. I'll be working on that tomorrow after work. That was kind of the plan all weekend, since I sort of slacked off to rest. It's not going to be too hard. I just have to knuckle down.
I'm really upset about missing Bible study this week. I had to work, and one of the classes I had to take is on another night that I'd wanted to go to Bible study. I'm not paying as much attention to the Bible as I should be, either. I've been reading every day, but my mind has been distracted by school. That will change as I start to get into the swing, I just need prayer for a while. This is when I wish I could just go to school full time and not have to work. Then I would have more time to do what I need to do.
I feel like crap.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I feel alone. I have family and friends, a handful of people that i trust, but there is still something lacking, I feel. I want something to fill the void, to make the pain go away. Pain is real, I don't know why, but the absence brings me to tears in ways that I never thought anything could. Small things make me long for something great, but it never comes. Movies bring desires, not unholy, just that tugging of my heart to find what's missing. I pray to God, "Take it away, let me be in peace. Fill me up so that I am content with you. God please, take away the pain."
I don't know what to do, the only solution to this problem seems years distant and very impractical for my current situation. I have school that I have to focus on, as well as my job. I am content with the current situation in my life, except in my relationship with God (as it should be, and I am seeking Him more than I have in a long time), and in this situation.
I hate the negative feeling, and I hate that I use this blog to be so negative, but it feels so trivial when I'm around other people, like I'm just trying to get attention, being selfish. But it still HURTS! Do you understand?
I see my parents so happy in thier relationship with each other, and I want that, but I don't. I want the desire to go away because I can't fulfill it, I don't have the power.
I feel so alone in my thoughts. it hurts, and I can't stop the tears. I may sound emo or whatever you want to call me, but this is how I feel, and if you don't like it, then piss off, I don't want you around. I'm not asking for advice, I know what I have to do, but it doesn't lessen the pain. I have to tell someone. Will anyone hear me? Does it matter if they do or don't? Who can do anything about this?
I am patient, more than willing to wait for whoever God has for me, just please take away the pain. Make it stop. God fold me in Your arms and let me know I'm loved by You.
I'm getting better at praying for others because I don't want to be selfcentered, so when I start feeling this way, I make sure that I'm focussing on my friends and family, praying for them and praising God for everything He's done for me.
This doesn't really help. Nothing does anymore. I need ...................................................................................
I don't know what I need. No, I do: I need peace. I need this to go away so that I can focus completely on Him. No distractions. GOD MAKE IT STOP!!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
I got off of work at 2 in the afternoon on sunday, went to church by 5:45. I was really excited to be back at church, but before we even got seated I got a phonecall from a number I didn't recognize. The person told me her name, and it sounded like "Beth", but not the Beth that I knew, and the tone of her voice sounded like Elizabeth, my ex. So I thought maybe my phone was cutting out on me and I couldn't hear the entire anouncement of her voice.
This girl said she had an emergency with one of her best friends, and she needed a ride and I was the only one she could rely on (with a car). I found out a moment later that it was someone I knew from work, but through most of the entire conversation I thought it was Elizabeth. And the cool thing is, I was more than willing to help her. I didn't have one negative thought, and even if it hadn't turned out to be the other person, I would have skipped out on my plans for the night.
It's encouraging to know that I truly don't hold anything against my ex-girlfriend.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006
I humble myself at the foot of the Cross. Blessed Savior, draw me close to you. Thank you for the growth you have brought me through.
So, tonight I hung out with some friends I haven't really seen in a long time. It's been almost two years since I had a real conversation with one of them, Rachel (for those of you questioning, she is the VERY loose inspiration for Rachel of Flatiron City), another (Hannah, the oldest) it's been about three, same with Rebecca (the youngest, and I'm really, really, REALLY sorry if I misspelled your name, don't hate me).
It was a lot of fun. We played pool at Jillian's, then went to the Yard House and sat on the patio and just chit chatted. Fun stuff.
I'm hoping to get together with Rachel again so we can catch up. She was one of my closest friends when I was living out in Portland, we talked on the phone a lot because she lived out here, and I just wandered off through my relationships with Sara and then Elizabeth. And it's taken me a year to get to a point where I don't feel like I would do anything stupid that could ruin the friendship like I did with Elizabeth. So hopefully we'll be able to talk and hang out occasionally.
Anyway, that's about all I have to say, except Gabe is a jerk, and if you don't know why, ask him about Mix Master Mike :P
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I went to lunch with my grandparents, had a good time. It's nice to catch up with the fam.
Return to the life I used to love, time has run out and I'm no longer the same. No one really understands me, and I don't understand them. My life is good, my love is great. I'm not motivated to be creative at the moment. Here it goes.
Katsuro looked out his window as the sun set behind the mountains. He'd just returned from London to visit his folks, and he was riding the high of being back to his birthplace. He glanced over the numbers for his Tea Gallery and smiled at Rachel's success running the shop in his absence.
He pulled a bottle of vodka from his cabinet, poured a shot and headed to bed. Tomorrow would see Katsuro back in his daily routine, running Hanaka Nippon Tea Gallery.
Sorry, that's all I got. If you want to read about Katsuro, check out flatironcity.com. For those of you not in the know:)
I've been chilling out on a Christian message board this afternoon, and it's actually been kind of fun. I still don't like internet socializing, but that's because it's not real human interaction. NO IT ISN'T, DON'T TRY TO CONVINCE ME OTHER WISE. Get out of your house and DOOO SOMMETHIIIING!!!lol
Ok. Anyway. I need to figure out something to do on Saturday now that church has been moved to Sunday nights.
If any of the peeps who knows me wants to do something, let me know. I want to do something engaging, intelectual, conversational. All that jazz. No, I don't want to go to a jazz show, you can't talk at a concert :P
So yeah, I want to write something again, so I should sit down and do that tomorrow, but not now because my head is spinning, wich is no fair because I didn't go get any vodka or rum tonight. I'd like some rum, or vodka, or maybe just a beer. Ho hummmmm. Hm Hm Dum dm. Randomness is fun some times.
Call me, e-mail me, leave me a comment. If you wanna chat, we can chat. :D
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
So I'm at work the other day, and my buddy's girlfriend walks up and asks when I got a girlfriend. I look at her, rather puzzled, and say, "I don't have one." apparently, one of her coworkers THOUGHT I had a gf, so she was rather confused, and my buds gf wanted to harass me about my new girlfriend.
I've known these people a couple of months now, so they started speculating on how probable it was that I DID have a gf, and I was just really good at hiding it because I didn't want nosy people bursting into my life. This escalated into the "obvious" fact that I actually have a wife and three kids.
I assured them this was far from the truth because if it WAS true, I would not be so down about feeling ALONE!!
We went back and forth for about 30 minutes as to my "arguments" just being part of my cover, and me insisting that I'm still single.
I thought it was rather funny, just thought I'd share:-)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
New subject, Cuddle Buddy: I still don't have one, and I still want one. That's really all I have to say about that, just.....hug me:(
Have a good week.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
P.S. If anyone wants to buy a really nice home-espresso machine, let me know. We have one for sale in our cafe, and I really need to make the sale so I can get more hours.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
And to my two consistent readers, bear with me >:)
So, why am I pissed now? It's because I STILL don't feel like I really belong anywhere. It seems that anyone that I would be interested in getting to know already has a full life, no room for a real friendship with me! And guess what else, yeah, I want a girlfriend! Maybe it's that I want someone I can relate to, hang out with and stuff. I want to be able to talk to someone about this, someone who will talk back! I pray and I've even gotten pretty good at focussing on others while I pray, but this is STILL AN ISSUE! I blog, but that's like journalling, just writing stuff down, only people get to read it BEFORE I die. I know I can talk to Gabe and Steve about this, but they're going through the same stuff too.
And that's another thing. I wish I didn't care. I wish people could tell me their problems, and I just couldn't care less. Because then I would be able to blow off my own unimportant issues. But the fact that I care about other people makes me feel selfish when I feel this way, wich only serves to make me feel worse.
I want to just hide away somewhere where I don't ever have to come in contact with anyone ever again. I want to be a Rock and an Island. I don't want to have these unfulfilled desires, I don't want to care about other people, I don't want deal with everthing that's going on around me. I WANT PEACE AND I WANT TO BELONG AND I WANT TO MATTER!!!!!!!!!!
I want to do stuff that is going to make a difference or I just don't want to do anything. I feel much like Solomon, it's all worthless, will never mean anything, so eat drink and be marry. But I'm too poor to drink, and I sure as hell am not marry! I guess I still have food though.
I'm too the point where I just feel like ditching on everything tonight. I'm supposed to run sound at church, but I don't feel like going. I have to work on Sunday, and I don't feel like going. I just want to sit around and zone out. I'm sick of being responsible for myself, I'm sick of feeling like this and no one GIVING A SHIT!!!!!
If anyone cares, either they can't fix this problem, or they won't fix it. I know there are people who are worse off than me, but this is something that keeps happening, and it's partly because of my fucking work schedule. I work evenings and everyone else I know works days, but it's not like I'm invited to anything either. I find no solace in my writing, or in reading, or even in God. I go to Him first, laying everything before Him, but it still continues. I don't know what to do. Everyone is just too full to let me in. I don't have a home, I don't belong. I don't belong with my so called "brothers and sisters in Christ" and I don't belong in "The World". A man without a country.
And the worst part is, even though I want to skip out tonight, I know I won't. I'll go and I'll feel fine while I'm there, then I'll go home and I'll feel this way again. But who cares? I guess that's the point of this rant.
I just want something to make sence, or have someone to work this stuff out with, or............just to matter.
Depression is a bitch, and sleep, though necissary, will continue to avade the most important parts of my brain. I could sleep for a week and not feel rested. It's like nothing even matters, but habit will take control and I'll become the mindless drone once again and the few (17 weekly) who stumble across this excuse for a blog will be the only ones who know the difference. I can't do anything for anyone else, I can't make my own life better. It would seem that I live only to attempt to please God and show love to my family. That's worth something, but there has to be more.
I want more, I think I need more......or I might lose it all together. Somebody do something, I don't have anything to pull out of my hat, I don't think I even have a hat.
There's just me, but no one even knows that. But who cares, right?
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
On another note, I finished scetching out Act I of my stepsheet....not finished, just done enough to do Act II.....but it was two weeks after my deadline:P Ok, that's all I have.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
My life is so up in the air, but I'm in a great mood, and I don't feel confused or anything. I guess most of that is because I'm working on something I'm passionate about, my relationship with God is the most important thing to me now, and I have friends that care about me. Plus I'm quite refreshed from my vacation!
Anyway, I'm having to rethink things for my mystery, but that's why I'm still in the drafting stages, right? This is just the stepsheet, and I don't know if this will reflect the final stepsheet, and it definitely won't look like the finished product. No worries though, I'm enjoying the process. I'll get some work done tonight, some tomorrow, but not a lot. I have two days off to rest, and I need it after a hectic two weeks at work. I also needed the hang-out time with my friends and my brother.
So that's a summation of my life, but as always, not even scratching the surface.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
News from PC Magazine: Coalition Sounds Off on Net Neutrality Legislation
http://www.savetheinternet.com/=map Then go here to see where your rep. stands. KEEP THE INTERNET NEUTRAL!
Let me reiterate, this is called EXTORTION! But if you have half a brain, you'd understand that, since you've already read the article.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
In the mean time, Pandora is awesome. Gabe mentioned it in an earlier post on his blog. I enjoy listening to music that I like.
If you are in to podcasts, check out Lynchland at liamlynch.net. I find him quite humorous.
Being at work after my vacation isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I still want to write full time and quit working at the store. I don't dislike my job, I just enjoy writing so much, and my job gets in the way.
Gabe says he won't talk about relationships in his blog, well that's his choice, I however STARTED this blog as a vent for my frustrations with women, so Gabe, thank you for sticking to your choice, but I'm going to continue to open up the anonymous public about my love-life, or lack-there-of. But not now because there's nothing to say.
You would think that the spellcheck on blogger would recognize "blog" as a word. It doesn't, though. Unless it learned it when I told it to.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I have to say, I haven't walked that much in a long, long time. I probably walked 40 miles over the week, maybe more! I really enjoyed the public transit system too. Much better than RTD in Denver. Love it!
My London Photos
Monday, April 10, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
I woke up more than a little upset, realizing that I'm still alone, but I was happy because I had a revelation.
You see, I've been shying away from the idea of a relationship for many reasons, not the least of which being, I don't know how to keep a relationship focused on God. I know how selfish I am, and I think that's a big reason why Sara and Elizabeth broke up with me, despite what they might say. But if the girl I'm courting is praying with me, and I'm praying for her, and doing everything I can to minister to her, then that at least will help keep my focus on God.
What does this mean for me? It means I'm going to be depressed for the next couple of weeks really wanting a relationship again, but I won't get one because I'm still too terrified of rejection. But I know I want someone to pray with, and not a guy. I want something different.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
"We appreciate your patience," she said in a low voice as she handed me a large manilla envelope. "Your instructions."
She moved past me to leave, but I grabbed hold of her arm. She drew a gun, I knocked it to the ground. "Understand," I glared at her, "I don't exsist. You may not have been warned, but I work on my own and I'm not to be observed." She glared at me as I made my speech, but I forged ahead. "I can tell this is your first agent encounter, and I'm unique. If I see you before the completion of the assignment, be asured you will die. You are to await my return at the designated location. Do you understand?"
Her jaw tightened defiently, but she nodded. I released my hold and the redhead disappeared. I took back streets to my flat, avoiding the light as much as possible. The rain pounded relentlessly as I laid out the contents of the envelope on my desk. A picture of a greased-up pig was attatched to the file, labeled Slockov.
It appeared a Russian gang had kidnapped the Irishman's daughter. Bad news, if you knew the Irishman! Explained why I got the job.
I opened a small white envelope on the bottome of the pile. I found two thousand dollars, US, starter cash for expences; and ten thousand pounds, UK, a downpayment on my fee.
I scanned through the files again, check my watch, and decided to pick things up in the morning. I'd need to get an American passport.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
I believe humans have a God ordained obligation to be 100% honest at all times. I strive to meet that obligation, and I can see times when I've fallen short, not in telling falsehoods, but in withholding the truth. God has forgiven me, and the people I have "wronged" have recieved due appologies. I beleive I can look back and say that any harm I have caused anyone has been taken care of on my part, and it is now up to them to forgive me, and that's between them and God.
God, thank You for keeping me safe from great harm that could have "ruined" my life. Thank You for keeping me faithfully coming back to You, even when I did screw up, and thank You for forgiving me when I have screwed up. Thank You for loving me. Please help me to give You glory and honor, to bring others to praise You, and when they praise You, please let them forget me, so that I may be the young colt, and You triumphant King entering the city. God, bring glory to Your Name, and humble me. I come to You, not with my voice raised and my hands in the air, but my head bowed in suplication, on my hands and knees, submitting to Your Majesty. You are my great God and I will serve you until the day I die! Once again I pledge my life to You, it it Yours to do with as You Will.
Not mine, but Your Will be done!
Religion has no value in a world full to bursting with hurting people. Religion has never satisfied any need, nor will it ever. Relationships are the only way to help people, and not just the poor, but the rich as well. A relationship with Yeshua (that's Jesus in Hebrew) is the only true peace we can receive in this place. Jesus is not found in going to church, giving money, moving to Africa, and while all those things are good, they do not bring you into a relationship with Him. I knew this many years ago, and I am learning more every day. I am beginning to understand some of what a relationship with Jesus entailes. I know I'll never get it until I reach Heaven, but what I'm learning, though it doesn't make me rich, or even happy, it brings me peace. I continue to struggle in life, and I continue to seek God, and I continue to find Him. I wish I had a better way of explaining that, a way that would help you to understand, but I don't. I get it in how it relates to others, I can only see how it might relate to me. Please understand, religion is not what I seek, but a true Relationship, based on servanthood toward the One i love.
I could go around in circles with this all night, but I won't. Please know I'm praying for you, and that God loves you, and He desires a relationship with you. The ball's in your court. Ask me questions. If I don't know the answer, I'll find out.
Friday, March 17, 2006
I've had a really bad week, and it doesn't show any signs of getting better. I'm not sure why it's so bad, it just is. My week is really sucking! But that's life, huh?
Thursday, March 09, 2006
I love having a clean room :)
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Enjoy my day off :D
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
But I started thinking, if my biggest problem in life is running around trying to get my passport so I can travel abroud, then I have a rather easy life. No, I don't have a lot of money, but I'm not really stressing out about that. God has always provided for me, and He always will. So, I'm feeling a lot better than I did this morning, just going through and reality checking my life.
Thank you God for all the blessing You have given me:)
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
----edit 10:34 pm----
So I didn't get any work done on my mystery project today, I went in to the place where I work to get some coffee and warm up, pick up a mystery so I can actually read one (it's been a long time since I've read one, but I watch a lot of them on TV), and think about/create more characters. I got caught up in conversation with a couple of my coworkers, a regular customer, and my own wonderings about what I should be doing with my life. But I DID get something up for FC! And that makes me somewhat happy.
I just feel so caught up in everything else that is or isn't going on in my life. Everyone I know still seems to think that I need a girlfriend, and I'm starting to believe them again. I don't want one, though.....at least....I don't want to work for one, and I won't make someone do all the work in a relationship, I'm not shallow. Be that as it may, I don't want to put any energy in a romance.
I don't have any problem putting effort into friendships, investing myself in ministry, working my butt off for my writing, but that's about it. My heart is so strongly drawn to God right now, an that sounds sooooooooo "perfect little christian boy-ish" of me, but it's true. I don't have anything against relationships. I just want to honor God with my life.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I know I need to have a romantic interest for the hero, and I have an idea for that. I need a mentor, and I have an idea for that one too. I guess I'll start there and see what happens after.
I don't really want a relationship, but now that I've truly said that, and I know that I mean it from the bottom of my heart, God is going to hit me with one >:P All I want to do is serve God somewhere in the church and write as much as I can. I don't want to get married....or even have a serious relationship, and I'm not so shallow that I'm going to look for "friends with benefits" because that's just stupid. At least I'm writing now. Aghh human interaction is way to complicated! I'm not good at utterly selfless, and it suck being totally selfish......what do I do? I'm frickin broke, I haven't even gone to college.........wow, this is bugging me pretty badly. I guess I'll laugh about it while I fume all day.
Friday, February 10, 2006
My relationship with God is getting better, I have to say I've haven't felt this close to Him in a long time. I want to keep it up, it feels like a relationship again. On that note, I'm getting the desire for great conversation again. My new friend Julie kind of releaved that desire the couple of times that we hung out. She's very artistic, one of those people to keep an eye on for great work to inspire the soul. Anyway, I want someone to chat with. Deep conversation. You know, intelectual intimacy. I really love talking with God, by that I mean praying, meditating, and reading His word. I want to talk with someone about it though. I want to talk about the things that get my heart racing. And I want to listen to them, pray for them, find out what makes them praise God. So, I'm writing this blog, trying to figure out what I should do tomorrow.
I guess that's why I want to go to a club so much. I want human interaction, but clubs won't get that for me, church seems to fall short as well. And I'm going to show up late, so bummer there. I don't want to be late to church, but if I don't go late, Gabe doesn't have a ride, and that's not acceptible either. So, I won't get to hang out with people before, maybe after. I'm not sure why I go out of my way to write this stuff, though. I only have two readers, and one of them is Gabe, so I'll pick you up at 6:-)
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Hoo.........need to get stuff done.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
I come before you in praise. I want to thank you for everything you have given me, from the little things such as a good night of sleep last night, to the large things, like my job, family, friends, home, and especially for the salvation of my soul. The gratefulness I feel is dificult to put into words, but I know you know my heart.
When I think of the things that I have, I feel so utterly selfish, because even though I have been extraordinarilly blessed, there are things I still want. But I'm tired of asking for things for myself. To begin, I would like to pray for my family: Thank you so much for providing for them and blessing their ministry. Thank you for the encouraging example my parents have been to me over the years, and for blessing their marriage to keep them together for twentyfour years, and counting:-). Please continue to provide for them and give them an abundance to be shared with the people you bring into their lives. Please continue to use them to glorify you. Please be with my brothers as you guide them to their futures. Please help them to see your hand in their lives, and show them how you will use them. Please draw them closer to you so that they will be leaders in every aspect of their lives. Please provide loving wives for them, women who seek to honor you as much as, if not more so than they do. Please bless them.
For my friends: I have so many of them, believers and non-believers alike. Please use me to minister to them, and if you have any reserved blessings for me, please use them for my friends. I have enough already, and so many of them need it more. Help them to follow you, to seek you with every aspect of their lives. They have been there for me so many times, and I feel so fortunate to have been blessed with people who seek you, who challenge me to seek you, and for the little chances that you give me to shine your light. I don't know all of their needs, but you do, and I ask that you please provide for those needs, and even give them the deepest desires of their hearts in accordance to your desire for their lives. God, my two closest friends, though they have people in thier lives, seem so lonely, they desire to be married, and I know you know this, and you have the perfect person planned for them, so I ask that you please fill them up to bursting with your love, joy, and at the very least a contentedness to wait for your perftect timing. And please be with their future wives, just as you are with my brothers', and give them the wisdom to know the path that you would have them follow.
For the friends that I have hurt, I don't know the extent of the damage I have caused in the twenty one years of my life, but I pray that you will be just and give them what they deserve, even if it means taking form the share you have set aside for me. God, I want to honor you with my life, and that is all I need. You have given me so much, all I ask for myself at this time is that you give me enough wisdom to follow you, to honor you, and to not screw up as I have in the past.
God, take me and use me. Make me a tool for your work. If I am not willing, I am at least willing to let you make me willing. I don't want to wait for the future, but I don't have much of a choice:-) Please give me the patience I need. God I love you, and I pray that you will bless everyone in my life, who ever has gone from my life, and whoever I will meet in the future. God please take my selfish heart and mold it to reflect you.
I am nothing without you, and I thank you for loving me.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Ctrl+Alt+Del - Tragically l337
Applegeeks | New Comic Every Monday and Thursday
Sam and Fuzzy (Updated Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays)
VG Cats - Updated Mondays
MegaTokyo - relax, we understand j00
Mac Hall Comics
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday
These are all the comics I'm REALLY into. Check them out, I read them "religiously".
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
No it's not. I seem to be lacking greatly in my posts. I feel so scatterbrained, as if I can't organize my thoughts well enough to post something decent. I don't want to just give up and leave ya'll hangin'. I enjoy writing, and I'm looking forward to having new work. I'm going to solicit a couple of magazines to try and sell some short stories. Something like the Ellery Queen (I think I spelled the name right). So with that said, my new project that I'm working on is.......A MURDER!! Myster:-) I'm not going to kill anyone, not a real person, just one of the many people living in my head. Admit it, you can't be a successful writer without being slightly scitzo. Anyway, I'm writing a murder that takes place in London, hence the change of plans for my Vacation. Ha ha ha. Giles is no longer a fantasy writer. I'll return to my first love, but I want to write mysteries. YAY, excitement.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
If I haven't told you what's going on yet, don't get offended, I'm just waiting until I have an idea of where I'm going. I want to think things out for a little while without "outside influences" getting in the way. I greatly value your oppinions when it comes to my writing, but I need to keep this inside for now. I have one person I am talking to, but that's because she's helping me with my research. In time, I will need my friends from Quill and Think to tell me where the flaws are, but if you know what's going on behind the scenes, you won't be as valuable a resource as I need you to be. This is my project, and I need your understanding and support. So, if you are at all hurt, please don't be. I need to do this my way, and I need time to think things through.