Wednesday, December 26, 2007

48 hours

That's how long I have until the wedding. I'm getting my tux this evening, and then I'm getting my hair cut, then christmas with my immediate family, and then bed. I am tired, and I'm ready for the time off. Boy am I excited!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas

I know it's still the day before, but Merry Christmas, everybody:)

Have a wonderful year, this will probably be the only update until I get back from the honeymoon.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Pipes and Pints video

This was just posted by Arthur from Pipes and Pints. Watch it and keep up with the story. It will turn into a comic soon, this is just the intro.

Edit: To see the video go to Pipes & Pints. The vid itself didn't look good on this page, but it does on the website!

Monday, December 17, 2007


I got a load of clothes over to Emily's this weekend, and we're going to start cleaning up my random paperwork around my room tonight. We'll move it in some time this week and then clean up the apartment, but whatever I don't get in before the wedding, I'll move after we get back from London. Won't be too much, though. There's still a load of stuff in my parent's barn that I'll go through when it's warmer.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Day off

I went to school this morning, and then the company Christmas party. I got a gift card. I also submitted my final story to the school's literary journal. I need to start working on my book project soon. I'll be doing some stuff over the next two weeks, but for the most part I'll be focussed on the wedding. HURRAY FOR THE WEDDING!! Sixteen days away!

That's really it for now.

Oh yeah, Mass Effect rocks. I can't wait until I can play it on my own system (may be while) so I can beat it.

Friday, December 07, 2007

No no no!!

I just found out that my dad's sister and her family may not be able to come up for my wedding. This really REALLY sucks because my cousin Jesse was one of the people I was looking forward to seeing the most! I haven't seen that guy in three years, and now I may not get the chance to for a long while:(

Thursday, November 29, 2007


The spring schedule is out, and I'm not sure which class I'm going to be taking. I want to take more writing classes, but because of when they start, I don't know that I'll be able to make it work, so I may just end up taking a History class. Not one of my favorite subjects, but anything to put off doing math or science :P

Friday, November 23, 2007

Reception stuff

We got plates, cups and napkins today. It's all coming together. The wedding is only five weeks away, and we'll be there in no time at all.

I'm getting a good deal of homework done, too. My final portfolio is really my only project remaining. I'll have that done by the due date, of course. I also have some critiques for my class mates' short stories. Half a page is easy to manage for each story.

I've started reading Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clark. I read the first chapter, and it's a pretty good beginning. She jumps around a couple of times, catching me off guard and making me lose focus, but other than that, it's cool. It's like a well written, kind of like a narrated APA text book. So far, though, I can't think of a single person who I would recommend the book to because I don't know anyone who would actually enjoy it. I know I am so far, though I've just begun. Anyway, I'm watching an episode of Samurai Champloo. Then I'm off to bed and reading.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


I just signed up to run a playtest for the Dresden Files RPG. I've never GMed, but I want to run this game because I love the books and I enjoy RPGs, so I want to create stories with my own characters in this world. This way I can do with a good deal of participation.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Turkey tomorrow.

I like Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays. I get to spend time with my family, and for the first time since Portland (the only time in my life), I get to spend it with someone NOT related by blood.

P.S. It snowed last night, none of it stuck to the road, and the roads are dry. The speed limit is 35 miles and hour NOT THIRTY!!! It's NOT DANGEROUS TO DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT WHEN THE SNOW IS ONLY ON THE SIDEWALK!!!! GOT IT?!!??!


Tuesday, November 20, 2007


Maybe tomorrow. Awesome!

I get four days off, I have my final portfolio to work on for school, but it's not due until DEC 12. I have plenty of time to work (not procrastinate). I'm going to go home in a few minutes and have supper with Emily.

Just over five weeks!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Six weeks

In six weeks I'll be on a plane to London with my wife:)

I have to begin work in about one minute, so I'll be working for three hours, then I'll do homework and chores for a little while.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I feel like a dork

So I freaking FORGOT to vote this last tuesday. I just kept putting it off until I could do some research about the items on the ballot, and then I forgot. DANG IT! I think voting is one of the most important things a citizen of this nation can do. I won't forget next year, no doubt. Out of all of the times I could forget, this wasn't the worst time. But still, now I can't complain about the results :P

Anyway. on to homework

Saturday, November 03, 2007


It's chilly at work today. I work in a warehouse, and it has a heater, but it's still a warehouse, so it's colder than I'd like.

Holy Crap

Looks like Arsenal tied with Man. U. in their game this morning, 2-2, making the standings even in the league. They now both hold 27 points, but Man. U. has played one more game than Arsenal has.

P.S. NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. November. 50,000 words in 30 days.

Friday, November 02, 2007


So I've started writing some stuff for my book story, but I'm three pages in and stuck. I have concepts and ideas, but no plot! That's the problem I've run into at the moment. I need to get something out on paper, and I need to work on my final story, too.

Hrm....happy hour tonight.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Not much to say

I haven't blogged in a while because I haven't really had anything to say. I have some stuff in the works, but some of it is still hush hush, and the rest is writing, so you already know about that.

Monday, October 29, 2007

NaNoWriMo... here's why not.

If you can do NaNoWriMo, that's awesome, but that's not how I write, so I'm not gonna do it. I need to be focusing on my schoolwork, anyway. I'm writing a short story for school, and should probably write something to be published in the school literature periodical, but I probably won't do that. I really want to write more for my books. That's coming along nicely, and I'm really liking some of the material that I'm coming up with, at least as springboard ideas.

By the way, I miss my adblocker for Firefox. I neeeeeeed to install that for my apple. But I won't be on myspace after this semester ends, so I'm not too worried about it right now. Ads piss me off.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


Homework is coming along nicely. I'm learning how to write, and how to revise! That's the important thing.

I got some more writing for my book project done last night, too. The ideas that I'm getting for this project are really fun. I'm enjoying this so much, every day is better than the last :)

Friday, October 26, 2007

Driving is fun

I just spent three and a half hours in the car picking up supplies from Boulder, and then dropping off other supplies to a client in Fort Collins. That was awesome. It gave me something to do today, which is good because by the time I get done with lunch, I'll have very little work left for the day. Maybe I'll try to leave early.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Not much to say, really. Just thought I'd let you know I'm still here. And I'm okay.

Work is going alright, and school is still kick-ass. I really like my assignments. I'm supposed to write a short story for part of my final portfolio. I already told all of you that. I'm having some cool ideas, too. This is really fun.

Alrighty then.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Have I mentioned?

I HATE MYSPACE!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that clear? I had to create a myspace for the protagonist in my short story, and I'm still hating the site. Will somebody do me a favor and break Tom's thumbs? Maybe go back in time and stop him from creating the damn site! AGH

Friday, October 19, 2007

too long

too long between updates. Not much to say. I'm busy spending time with Emily. We've ordered the cake, and now all we need to do is book the service people. Jeremy and Justin should have been fitted for tuxes this week.

Writing is going well and I'm creating a short story for me Creative writing class. I'm going to write a Flatiron City episode. I may actually submit it to a magazine, too.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Oh bother

I don't feel like doing anything. I just beat Halo 3 with Gabe, but now I want to sleep, or watch tv, or play video games some more. I just don't want to do homework or work on my book, or work tomorrow. I just want to sleep in and then go down to Colorado Springs with Emily tomorrow. I need a day off.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I want to cook something. Emily's dozing next to me as I watch Iron Chef America. I'm thinking I want to make Shepherd's Pie and Guinness Bread. That would be the main course, then finished off with Banana Pudding with Nilla Wafers (an oldie but a goody). Some hot apple cider with cinnamon (or red hots) and vanilla vodka to drink. That would be good. I think I need to do that.....soon!

I've been working on writing, and I'm creating some awesome stuff for my story. I don't know when I'll start writing because I keep coming upon things that I need to expand on, all while I create characters. I need to finish homework, too, but that won't be difficult.

Back to my show.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

No....that's impossible

Ok, so we are attempting to run at %200 capacity for the shop this week. The problem isn't that we just don't have the gear, or that we don't have the space on the truck for the deliveries, or that we don't have the's all of those plus the fact that we need three more people....and that's in a "perfect" version of this situation. Assuming we owned all of the gear and had the trucks available, we still need THREE MORE PEOPLE! Otherwise, it's just not possible to do in three days.

Oh yeah, and I'm staying late today....Not going to happen again!

Waahhhhh ha ha haaaa >:P

I'm tired, and as a result, work is more difficult to deal with. I don't know why I'm tired, I did, after all, get eight hours of sleep. I think I'm overwhelmed with the complete lack of perfection that this week is turning into. We have too much stuff going out of the shop and not enough people to handle the work load, or enough equipment for that matter.

I'm not mad, I'm tired. I want to sleep and cry.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Ho hi there

I've been working on my characters a little, but I've been too consumed with school and Emily to really focus that much. On the bright side, I think I have a few other people to put into the story, and I'll be writing some short stories soon. I don't have anything new for Flatiron City, yet, but that may come with time, especially with the prose portion of my creative writing class coming up.

I'm enjoying class, it's so much fun to learn creative techniques for writing.

Emily and I are going to go look for a ring for me today, but I don't know what other plans we have. Eleven weeks until the wedding! Hurray!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Done for the weekend

I'm done with my homework, which is good because I spent the entire evening playing Halo 3 on my brother's 360. That game is awesome. I played co-op with Gabe, like we did with Halo 2. I have some writing to do today, and I want to get some more characters created for my project. Emily and I are going to hang out, but right now she's getting her car tuned up.

Here's to a great week.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Car trouble

So I took my car in for a tune up and they found enough damage that the total bill is going to be around fourteen hundred dollars. Stupid car. It's a good thing that I found this out this week, though, because I bought Emily's wedding ring on Saturday. I just can't spend any money on anything else for a while. :P

Class starts in a few minutes.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Too long

Update! Invitations have been sent, some RSVPs have been returned, and now all we need to do is taste cake! Alright.....oh, and counseling starts on Sunday.

School is awesome, I'm loving it, and I have some stuff for the future in mind.

I bought new tires for my car yesterday, and I'm taking it in to the mechanic on tuesday for a tune up.

That's about it. I can't think of anything else. I'm still creating characters, and I'm liking them a lot.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


Ok, that's it, I'm looking for a new job. I have a few things I need to do to make sure the process is worked out properly, but I'm getting away from my ass hole boss ASAP. The guy admitted to me that he doesn't think he handled anything inappropriately, he refuses to change, and he accused me of having too little self esteem. Well, guess what, I don't need any more self esteem, I'm fine just the way I am, as long as I continue to mature, that is.


Friday, September 07, 2007


That's right, I swore! I got yelled at by my boss today, and it was only for something small. Then I lost my temper. That was over an hour ago, and still the only thing I want is a smoke.....or 10,000 shots of whiskey. I swear, all he had to do was treat me with respect, but instead, he yelled at me as if I'm a disobedient dog!

Dude, I know you feel like you got muscled into hiring me, but I earned my job, and if you have a problem with me, tell me so we can get it taken care of. If you have a problem with how or why I got hired, well, it's YOUR problem. Don't take it out on me. I gave my entire childhood to this company. That's a hell of a lot more than you would give.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Flatiron City Episode One, V-Blog

Alright, I tried to post this a couple of month ago. It's not something I'm completely happy with, but I'm not re-recording it. Enjoy if you like. I'll be putting together more in the future. Keep in mind all of this is copyright, any use of this without my written permission is illegal! Period! Just thought I'd put that out there.

Wow, I got a lot of writing done

An hour of writing got me a great character, now I have two "fleshed out" characters that I really like, and I have a couple more names and ideas of how the story might go. I'm really liking this still.

I got most of my homework done already, and I just have a little bit more to go.

I've been bored for part of the day, mostly because all of my friends are busy, but it does mean that I've written quite a bit. I'll probably get more done, but Emily and I are planning on getting the invitations started (we've been procrastinating so far).

Anyway, on to other things.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Mmm....pumpkin beer

I'm drinking a pumpkin beer, it's good! And I'm watching the first Harry Potter movie. I'm really getting into my characters, and they are turning out to be awesome....different than I expected, though. It's odd, I never thought that I would have so much fun...I mean, I enjoy writing, but it's never been like this before! I'm loving it!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Hurray School

School started yesterday and I know I'm gonna love it! I'm only taking one class (you know, wedding to plan, work to to write), but it's exactly what I want to do. I've already done a homework assignment, and it rocks!

Anyway, I'm psyched and you should be too!

I also have a name for my hero, and a character that is awesome. Anyway, I need food and Emily is supposed to be here soon.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Ok, so now what?

I'm not sure what to do next in the story. I don't want detailed genealogies because the stories aren't about those people. I don't know what I should write. I'll have to ask some friends this evening when I'm out for sushi.

New FC

There's a new Flatiron City post, and a new character. Read it, please. Tell me what you think.

I got a good deal of creativity out on paper today, but I'm not done yet!


So I'm getting so many ideas that I can't write them down fast enough, and I'm now getting confused. What am I going to do? My main character still has no personality in my head because he has no name, and that is a great deal of the personality in my head. The name creates the person, right? For me, yes.

Anyway, I'm gonna play some WoW to clear my head. I don't know if I'm going to buy it yet, but the trial isn't up yet. I want to buy it, but I don't know if I should. Hmm....what to do.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

And the world grows

I have many creatures for my world, now. I don't have descriptions for all of them, but I have a list. AND I have history of the world's creation! Awesome! And I have an idea of what the magical lore will look like! This is so much fun. I have more and more ideas every day.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I...want....I dunno.

I want to be more involved in people's lives, specific people. I'm not sure of the best way to do that. It would involve quitting at the hospital. I don't know if that's something God wants me to do. I just don't know.

There are other people, too, who I don't see at all, and the hospital doesn't get in the way of that, but school and my writing do....oh yeah, and all the wedding prep we've been doing. I'm enjoying all of this planning stuff, but at the same time, I'll be happy to have it done with so I don't have to think about it at all.

Emily and I will begin addressing invitations tonight. That shouldn't take long, two nights, maybe?

Then it's down to cake, punch, coffee, and the people to serve it.

I'm ready for sleep. I still have the second half of my shift left, though.

I need some characters to fall in love with. That would be cool. That'll come in time, though. I don't know how long it's going to take to get my prep done for the story that I'm working on, but the more I think about it, the more I believe that I won't be doing anything else with my mystery. I'm just not happy with it, and it's not something I really want my name attached to as a writer. Not that I'd be ashamed to have it published, it would just put off my actual target audience. Maybe someday I'll push it out, but I'm not turning it into a series.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Someone finally said it...

Click here to read Stephen King's view on Harry Potter. I love this!

He bemoans the overload of pretentious "high literature". I like that:)

Writing is hard

I'm creating a timeline for my world now. This isn't the easiest thing that I've ever done. Actually, this is one of the hardest things I've had to do. Continuity is something I'm proud of, but the complexity of this story is dizzying. Rowling, Tolkien, I salute you. This is going to take a long time, just to create the history. Then there's the characters, then the back story, then the outline, then I have the writing to do. Whoa. I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

On another note, my alarm woke me up this morning at 7:20, and I turned it off knowing that I have a second one that will wake me up in ten minutes. I had to be at work at nine....I slept through my second alarm because it was quieter than it was supposed to be. I didn't wake up until 9:10. I got to work ten minutes later without breakfast, or brushing my teeth *blech*. The day got better from there, though. I've been writing off and on all afternoon.

Now back to it. I want to get more done:)

Friday, August 10, 2007

typety type

I've gotten some good history for the new project I'm working on. I'm enjoying know, starting from scratch. I like this part of the process, and I'm learning more every time I create.

The history isn't exactly how I want it to look, but it will be. I've created five different nations, and I've worked on the history for the first nation to organize.

This is cool.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

I've Started it

I have begun my journey into a new creation, and I already have two nations to play with, one with a decent history and royal legacy. I will continue with this nation until I am satisfied with it, and then I'll continue to the other nations, focusing finally on the one that will be the center of the stories I'm going to write. I need an overarching back story for the world, and I want to have elements of my beliefs in there without being preachy. I don't know how to do that, but I think it will come to me. I won't compromise, and I think I can still get published. After all, Lewis and Tolkien both did, and they were very theological about their works (if you look at the back story in LOTR, but blatantly in Lewis).

I'm not sure how much I'll get done. Like this last project (that I'm not done with, by the way), I want to take my time and do it right. Tolkien started his Middle Earth writings early in life, and they didn't get published for many years, Rowling took seven years to write and sell her first Harry Potter book. I don't want to take THAT long, but if that's what it takes to do it right, then that's what I'll do.

I finished it

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It's over, I've read all seven books, and now that it's over, I feel a sense of emptiness, sort of. There aren't any more books in the series to look forward to. I know there's stuff to look forward to in my life, but entertainment wise, but I want more books that are as engaging as the Harry Potter series. I've said before, I'm going to try to fill that whole, though it's likely that someone will beat me to the punch. I'm still going to try it, though. I want to write the next awesome series. The one that people dress up for and wait for two years for the next installment. Alright, now on to greatness?

It's coming....

My ideas are fleshing out a little. It's a good thing, too. I was beginning to get worried that I would copy other authors too much. That won't happen, though. I might not be doing anything original, but I will do something that I've never read before. This will be fun:)

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Change is....

I made it through my first draft today. I'm pretty sure I don't like it, but that's the way things work, I guess. I still want to write fantasy more than anything. I think I'm going to read through the Harry Potter series again, and then copy it word for word to get a feel for the voice and style. I don't want to copy it too closely, but the style is something I aspire to. I want to have that same connection with my readers, that feeling of friendship with the characters, just not the cult following.

Emily is moving into the new apartment tomorrow, I'll be helping her. I really love this girl....woman! and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her!

We are growing so much, and I am so happy for her to start her teaching job on thursday!

Pray for us....and the rest of my family.

That's it.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I'm going to ...

Make some changes on my stepsheet to make my story a bit more....satisfactory? Anyway, I'm done for the night because it's freaking hot. I'm watching the diggnation podcast and downloading Pipes and Pints. Then I'm going to finish my Dresden Files book (awesome series, read it now!).

Emily got the keys to her new apartment, awesome. Moving her in on Sunday.

Writing again...

I should be finished with the Step Sheet by the end of the week (or night). I'm realizing that the story itself isn't the important part of my writing; it's the people! What makes stories stand out is the character interaction.....try reading two different books, especially pop fiction, like a mystery, and pay attention to the story itself, just the plot. There's little difference from one to another, but what makes a story stand apart from the others is the characters that you remember, and how they interact with each other! That's something that I need to work on, even though interaction is my strength. It's still weak.

Just thought that would be me, anyway.

Monday, July 23, 2007


Four months....trying to grow a decent goatee. I screwed up while trimming the mustache (I was sick of food getting in it all the time), so I had to trim it. I looked like a toff. :P

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


No other ideas for a title.

I got off of work early today, so I went and paid my tuition. Not too much, but I AM going to a community college AND it's only three credits. I also got six bucks for one of the text books I resold to the bookstore at the school. I need to find the CD Rom for my french text book, then I should be able to sell that one back. Other than that, I can't sell any. That's life, right? I wasn't planning around getting any money from the books. I'm going to use the money to pay for gas, or something.

I'm getting steadily closer to the finish of my first draft. I've passed the 26,000 mark, and I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to get the 30,000 by the end of the month.

I'm going to the Harry Potter 7 release party, and for those of you who got ARCs and are posting spoilers on the internet, you're a bunch of asses!! Why do you need attention so much? Can't you let us actually enjoy the book? Or do you need to feel important, even though you're reviewing the book, got it early, and we didn't? You SUCK, you....person :P

That's why I don't want to do ARCs for my books if they get popular. Just wait for the book like the rest of us. If I'm new, then I want people to read my books and tell people that it will be coming out, so buy it. But if my book is so popular that the name sells itself, then you get to wait. That's the way I want to do it. So there.

That's all the ranting I have.....I can't wait until the weekend.

Oh, Emily's dad is going to be in town this week, so I'll met him and Emily's stepmom. I'm looking forward to meeting him.

We ordered invitations, too. Now all we need are the rings, the we need to pay for the rest of our venue. I can't think of anything else except the honeymoon and wedding night, but that will be taken care of by the end of next week.

I love icecream....and I want new video games and music.

I'm going to go take a shower and then read.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I am NOT in the mood :P

Alright, so I sat down to work on my book, and now I don't want to work on it. All of a sudden, I've decided that I don't like the formulaic feel that it has. It's better than it could be, and I know I can improve on it, but I still don't like it.

On top of that, I don't know if I'm going to finish the first draft with more than 35,000 words, which makes for a lot of work in the editing process. I'm a little discouraged, and I don't want to work on the book any more today. I think it's partially due to being near the end of the step sheet.

I think I want to work on my new project, instead. At least put some ideas down on paper. I wrote a little "Intro" piece, and now I want hammer out details and create a full mythology. I already have maps that I could use, and a couple of ideas that could be incorporated with this new one. A lot of the work is already done, I could even use some characters that have been created.

I just don't know what to do right now. And it doesn't help that I've been out of the house all day, so I want to recuperate, rather than write and think.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


The winter child......fantasy

Flatiron City.......thriller

Two ideas I've been kicking around in my head, two genres in case the mystery doesn't work out, and I want to tell someone before I forget.

That's all.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


I need a new desktop. My PC is too slow. I want to build my own desktop with a lot of power. I'd love to get MAC desktop, but I still like having a PC and their's something fundamentally wrong with putting Windows on a MAC.

Ok, that's all I got. I need to finish my updates :P

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Brief loss of power

Last night, about half past ten, the power for my entire block died. The wind was so strong that it made the transformer pop. I heard it sounded like all of the breakers in the house going at once, but it wasn't the house. We got power back by quarter after one.

I didn't reach my 25 thousand goal, but I did breach the 24 thousand mark. That's a lot in one week for me.

I'll be going to the Children's Hospital today, and then over to Jeremy's.

The week after the Harry Potter release (book), Emily will be moving into her new apartment. I won't move in until December, but it'll be nice for her to be able to live on her own. She's never had that opportunity.

Ok, back to my coffee.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Almost 23

My word count by the end of tomorrow will exceed 23,000, but I'm not sure how close I'll get to 25,000. It shouldn't be too far off.

A revalation

I realized that it is all together possible that the book I am currently working on may never get published....ever. The cool thing is, that doesn't bother me. It doesn't make me a failure, and I know that. I'm excited to be writing still, and I will become a pro if it's the last thing I do, and I will work really hard to be a pro that can support himself and his family off of his work.

I don't know if I'll try to make a series out of this book (it would be the wise thing if I want get it published), and I don't know if I'll even go send it to agents or publishers. That will depend on the audience feedback that I get, and how pleased I am with the work.

As it sits, I'm excited to work on this project.

Ok, back to work.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007


I've broken the 22.000 mark, that makes it over 2,000 words since Saturday. This is encouraging because it means I'm getting back into the swing of writing. And there's more detail in the writing than there has been in the past. I'm so excited because my writing is catching up, and soon I'll be able to work on more writing projects. I'm excited because this is going to turn into a career! I haven't lined up any purchasers yet, but I will, hopefully, when I have the book nearly complete.

I'm jumping, and I think I could continue to write, but I need to move around some more. I'll probably sit down again in a few minutes, but if I don't I'll definitely work on it some more tomorrow, and Friday, and Saturday, but not Sunday:)


Alrighty then.

So, I'm making a lot of progress on my book today. I want to have twenty five thousand words by the end of the week, which is doable at this rate. It's only one, and I already have nearly 22,000.

Pipes and Pints is up, as of last night. Arthur had some editing to do before he posted the episode, so it was up a little late. Mostly because he couldn't edit at work.

Anyway, back to my book I go. Steak with Emily tonight.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Yep....definitely gonna need some work

It will take a good deal of editing to finish my book, but I'm looking forward to that, especially now that I have a bit of a clue as to what I'm doing. I'm enjoying the process again, like I did with the first project I worked on. Man that was a long time ago. I need to revisit that one of these days, turn it into something publishable. I may take what I've written and turn it into the outline...a better outline than the one I had when I first tried to right it.

I'm working today, and boy is it hot out. I'm glad to get a lunch break, but the AC isn't working well enough. I need it to rain like crazy! I get tomorrow off, hurray! And I'm going to work on my book some more tomorrow, followed by steak with my fiance. Ok, I'm going to finish eating my food and listen to music.

New Pipes and Pints should post some time today. If you haven't listened yet, check out the first two episodes.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

On the nose

Exactly 20,000 words. I've reached my goal for the month, and the week, and now that I'm too tired to think, I'm going to shut down my computer and goof off. I might continue writing later today, but probably not. Anyhow, I'll try to get Act II finished by the end of next week. Then it will be emailed to people of interest, and I shall forge forth into Act III.

I'm definitely going to need to add some stuff to meet my minimum final count, so I'll be revising very seriously.

Update: Finished part II. I'm not too happy with it, but as I said, I'll be revising. It's been emailed out to my readers. Oh, and the word count is roughly 20,150. Okay, I'm off to relax for the day.

Friday, June 29, 2007


I'll definitely reach my goal, maybe even by the end of the day. I'm working on back story within the story right now, fun stuff, I just have to figure out how to describe everything in the way I want it to be said.

I'm having some friends over tonight for poker, and then I get tomorrow off. I had a half day today, too. I'm enjoying having extra time. It means I can relax a little. I don't really want to work on my book any more right now, so I'm going to sit back and relax for a bit.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Praise God

Emily got a job!!! She's a sixth grade teacher at a charter school in town, but not the first one she interviewed with. YEAH!!!!

On a sad note, Gabe's car rolled down a hill into a telephone pole. He's missing work because of it. Pray for him.

Monday, June 25, 2007


Been a while since....

I'm sitting in and listening to the podcast as they record. It's fun. I'll listen to it when it uploads in the morning, partly because I might still go to Game Night at Jeremy's tonight, but I don't know for sure yet because he hasn't decided whether or not he's gonna host it. He normally has mondays off, but he closed to night, and he has to open in the morning.

So I've had a Guinness already, and smoked a pipe, and I might smoke another soon, and if Jeremy cancels, I'll drink some mead or another beer.

So, listen to Pipes and Pints as soon as it's up.

Friday, June 22, 2007


I finally got to see the third pirates movie. Rocks! Only thing I didn't like.....the last five minutes. Too much of a bummer. Other than that....AWESOME.

That's all I really have to say. I'm going to go to bed early tonight.

Push it, pull it, twist it 'round

Alrighty then, I'm going to go watch the newest Pirates movie with my little brother tonight, and then we're going to hang out at home for a while.

I haven't written much this week, which means that I need to work hard tomorrow, and maybe a bit on sunday on the way down to Colorado Springs for the engagement party.

Arthur created a podcast with a couple of friends. You need to check it out, even though most of my readers know a lot of the peeps who recorded it.

Gotta go back to work now.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I hate to complain.....

But I'm going to. I just finished a nine hour day, and it was supposed to be shorter. Ugh, this is going to be a long week. I need food, and then need to try and write something. Good luck, right? On top of that, I locked my keys in my dad's office, so I had to drive his truck home.

To explain, I made a delivery down south, and I had to use the truck, so that's why I have the keys to his truck. Again I say....ugh. :P

I would give my life for these people, but...

I have a lot that I want to talk about, but if I do, I might offend some people. I know they don't read my blog right now, but they might at some point in the future. For now, let's just say that I'm really sick of people complaining about what other people don't do for them. To clarify, relationships are supposed to be a give and take arrangement, with emphasis on the give. However, if only one person is giving, then both people start to get irritated. I know a couple who is going through something like this (no, not me...I love you Emily :) ). The one person is giving, cleaning up, loaning money that hasn't been paid back, cooks, buys food, and so on, while the other person takes all of this generosity.

The hardest part for me is that I really like both of these people, but the first person is clearly in the right. This person is not perfect, by any means, but at the very least, they don't make a big deal about doing something for the other person.

When the other person does anything, like go out of their way to buy food for the first, or cook, or clean, or buy even the minutest present, they never let the first forget, as if to say, "see, I do actually help out."

I want to help out because I don't want this couple to break up, but I don't know what I could say that would make any difference. If they read this, they may even take offense, thinking I'm a jerk for even saying this much. I love both of these people, and would even die for them, but would that do any good? I don't know. It sucks, wanting to help someone but being incapable.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

That's right, I did it.

I got to bed at a decent hour last night, and I got to sleep in. I had plenty of energy until about 5:30 when I had to close my computer and nearly took a nap. I dozed for a few minutes, but then I woke up, finished my laundry, grabbed a snack, and then I sat down and wrote some more. All of this to say, I've reached my 15,000 word goal. That's 5,000 words in fourteen days. If I write every day, I know I'll be able to make the end of the month goal of 20k. Alright, time to crash.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Less than a thousand to go.

I'm now over 14,000 words, so my goal will be really easy to reach. I may have to work in the morning, but even if I do, I'll have plenty of time to work. 20,000 by the end of the month may be difficult, but I think I can do it if I knuckle down. As of right now, I need to do something else. My brain hurts.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


I'm already up to 13,000 words. My goal is 15,000 by the end of the week. That could mean 25,000 by the end of the month.....I think. Anyway, time for a brief break....or I'm done for the day.

Sunday, June 10, 2007


The photographer is a really good. We're pretty sure that we're going to use her. She's down to earth and very reasonable. That's exciting.

Importing The Fratellis, listening to The Real McKenzies. Awesome music. It's rock with a bagpipe. Cool as Alaska.

Saturday, June 09, 2007


That's two thousand words in one week. Oh yeah, baby. I'm getting into the swing of things, now. At this rate, I'll be at five thousand a week soon. Anyway, that's all the news for today.

Oh yeah, Ocean's 13 was really good. And we had fun at the Yard House, too. Gabe is a lot of fun to hang out with, and I'm glad we finally got a chance to hang out.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Adapted to Edison

I'm going to go to a movie tonight. Then beer at the Yard House.

Writing isn't going too well at the moment. Part of the problem is that I don't have time to sit down and work out some of the problems I'm having with the process. I'm getting a bit better, though.

Emily and I are going to meet with a photographer on Sunday, we met her at the wedding expo in January (or was it February?) Anyway, we really liked her, and we're hoping we don't have to look around too hard, especially because this woman is friendly, and she's not overpriced.

Her dad and stepmom are going to be in town in July, so I have that weekend off so that I can meet them. I'm looking forward to it.

I need new music, but I haven't heard anything that I really like, at least not enough to buy. I want to get the new Green Day single, though. Check them out, it's awesome.

Ok, I need to get back to work now.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

So here's the deal

I'm actually getting work done, that makes me happy. I still haven't set a goal for the end of the month, partly because all of this wedding stuff is taking up a little bit of time. It's more that Emily's family haven't all met me yet, and I'm trying to make time to meet as many of them as possible before the wedding.

Arthur is starting a podcast soon, it might be really funny, or it could be kinda lame. I'm excited to find out, so I can either congratulate him, or make fun of him until he beats me.

Ok, time for pizza and more writing. Hoping for a beer tonight. Maybe.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Fun at work

I got to run around town today. That was fun. We're watching South Park right now before we start playing D&D. We have to level up our characters for the first time in the game. I know, I'm a geek.

Mario Party 8 is a lot of fun, and it gives me something to play with Emily. Awesome, huh? Now she doesn't get bored when I play video games.

I made my 10,000 word goal. Now I need to figure out another goal for the end of the month. I'm trying to figure out something else to tell you, but I can't think of anything.

Life's good.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Blogging at Jeremy's

I'm getting a free wifi signal at the apartment. Just thought I'd say that since it's so cool.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

The Godfather: Black Hand Edition

Screw it, I don't feel like writing a review of a game. All I have to say is, it's a game, it's violent, and if you don't like violent games, don't play it. If you have a problem with violent games, remember that they're just games.

Ok, so I'm at 9,400+ words, so I should be able to make 10,000 by the end of the day. I'm having trouble thinking again. I don't know what it is, I just can't focus. I'll get over to my old store later today, and then I should be able to focus, even though Emily will be working. I'll sit down and spew out six hundred words.

I'm going to be at the Children's Hospital again tomorrow. I enjoy that.

I just wish I could think so I could get more work done. On the other hand, if I hurry, I won't write as well. I don't want to butcher my work because I'm taking it too seriously. Don't get me wrong, I do take this seriously, but I need to keep it from becoming a chore. I just need to make sure I keep doing stuff to enjoy my writing.

Alright, my laptop is too hot, now, so I'm going to play my new game for a bit.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Failure? Not exactly

Ok, so I didn't make 10,000 words, but I did finish part 1. On Tuesday, I started feeling a little sick, but I wrote anyway. About an hour in, I became way too exhausted to think, and I couldn't get up enough energy until today. Unfortunately, my lunch break won't provide enough time to write today, but I will have time when I get home.

I should get you a review of the Godfather, as promised, by the end of the week. And I'm playing Mario Party 8, now.

Have a fantastic weekend.

P.S. Emily's hours at work have dropped below thirty, and that makes it incredibly difficult to pay the bills, so please pray that God will provide. We still haven't heard back from the school, but we're hoping to today.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Looking at dresses

I'm at the store with Emily, she's trying on dresses and I'm blogging and getting ready to work on my book. Edits are starting to come back. I'm forging forward, too. Almost at ten thousand words. That's the other goal before May 31. I already met goal one. I should get to work, but I don't feel like it, this is my day off, I'm hungry, and I'm feeling lazy :P Anyway. Have a great day.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

What do you think?

Should I keep a conversation topics between two characters orderly, or should they jump around like in real life? I'm not sure about how to do this the best way.

Hey, that was eight months ago...

Ha ha, I got a comment in my archives from someone who doesn't like whiners on the internet. I don't whine that often, and when I do, it's mostly to sort out my thoughts so I can get back to my book. Besides, this is my blog and I'll fill it with whatever crap I feel like. Those who read this are usually family and friends, so I don't care what the world at large thinks.

I like uninformed people, they make me look smart. :) Now, back to my life in the real world where people who read only two of my posts (because I checked to see how long they'd been reading) and then flame or flag me don't matter.

P.S. I know who you are, and where you live, because I meter my site. But you just wanted attention on YOUR blog, so I didn't post a comment there.

P.P.S. If you don't like what I write, don't read it. It's that simple. Quit complianing and go...I don't know, volunteer at the Children's Hospital, or give money to charity. Just stop wasting your time complaining.

P.P.P.S. My life is great, and when I blog, I'll try to make you understand how happy I am, rather than focussing on the negative. But some times I have to let it out, sort out my thoughts, and then write something important.

Edit: I double checked the entry page, and this person was just bog-searching through google for the line "i'm sick of my boss". Ha ha. That's funny. I wonder how many they found; thousands, millions? I wish I had that much time to waste at 1 in the morning. Oh wait, I was hanging out with my fiance.......because I have a life. AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! (seriously, I can't stop laughing)

Slowly but surely

I'm at 6,100 words, roughly. And I've completed the first draft of part one. On to part two. Oh yeah, test audience will get part one soon to review. I don't know who all wants to read, but I'll send out copies anyway.

I'm finally going to get a haircut today. It's been almost three months and I'm sick of long hair. Maybe I'll get more than a cut, too. Dunno, but I might post a pic for those who care.

When I have time, I'll post my Godfather review, based on my research for the essay two posts down. Read it if you haven't.

Have a nice day.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Do you guys want to see me snort this strawberry dust?

He tried it too. It only stuck to his finger. I get two days off this week, Sunday and Monday. Emily is going to try on wedding dresses on Monday. We looked at apartments yesterday, too. We found some nice ones that aren't that expensive, so we think we'll go with those, rather than the moderately larger, twice as expensive ones.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Now that my grades are posted (for those who care)

This is the final essay I submitted. I did the research and made my points. Enjoy (or not). Because of how blogger and Word don't mix, this isn't 100% properly formatted, but all quotes are cited....bibliography will be at the end. For a word document, email me.


What Good are They?
Discussing the positive effects of video games.

Death, destruction, incontrovertible mayhem. A team of fifteen young men sweep into a closed off building and open fire on another team of fifteen young men guarding a flag. Both teams are practiced, their reflexes sharpened through hours of training and procedural memorization. After a brief conflict, bodies litter the urban battlefield, and a lone soldier is running for his base triumphantly waving the enemy’s flag before him. This is the scene that plays hundreds of times a day on thousands of computer servers throughout the world, and when the game is over, players return to the game selection screen, congratulate the winners and console the losers. As technology progresses, video games become more complex and realistic looking. Opponents of violent video games and video games in general, see this as a bad thing, claiming that it is turning the players into killing machines. This essay will show how any concerns that parents have regarding what games their children are playing can be calmed with just a little involvement on their part; that violent games are not all bad; rather, video games are becoming a valuable teaching tool in classrooms where children have difficulty getting interested in the subject being taught; they are a convenient and sometimes necessary form of stress relief for both children and adults. Finally, they help strengthen the international social structure by bringing together groups that may not otherwise willingly interact, providing a medium for the discussion of topics that are important to the individuals within the gaming society.
Opponents of video games claim that the violence they contain are teaching players to emulate the actions they see, turning them into violent killers. David Grossman, author of “Teaching Kids to Kill,” compares the violence in media to the pavlovian conditioning that Japanese soldiers went through during WWII, saying that:
Their young, unblooded soldiers bayonet innocent prisoners to death. Their friends would cheer them on. Afterwards, all these soldiers were treated to the best meal they've had in months, sake, and to so-called "comfort girls." The result? They learned to associate violence with pleasure (Grossman p. 4).

He calls video games “murder simulators” that create “homemade pseudo-sociopaths who kill reflexively and show no remorse” (Grossman p. 5). In “Make Meaning, Not War,” Henry Jenkins states:
The problem with Grossman's model is that it leaves no room for meaning, interpretation, evaluation, or expression. Grossman assumes almost no conscious cognitive activity on the part of the gamers, who, in his view, have all of the self-consciousness of Pavlov's dogs (paragraph 11).

Gerard Jones, author of Killing Monsters, describes an encounter he had with a young Quaker, a strictly pacifist Christian sect, named Richard who ran a youth center in the Shankill district of Belfast. Jones interviewed Richard over a game of Quake, an undisputedly violent game. When asked about the potential conflict between Richard’s pacifist beliefs and playing a violent game, he simply said, “It’s just a game.” The problem lies, not in whether or not positive messages exist in video games, but rather which games they can be found in (Thomas). Grossman focuses solely on the negative affects that video games can have, completely ignoring the possibility that the players realize that what they are witnessing is not real, or they might actually learn something that will be beneficial, either to themselves or to the world they interact with.
The concerns that parents have about what their children are doing is quite valid, especially in light of Grossman’s claims; however, a better option exists that will help relieve parents’ worries. Thomas points out that “just like with books, film, music and theater, some of this content is not intended for children” (paragraph 11), but that does not mean that all video games are detrimental. Ratings exist specifically for the parents who are purchasing the games, and even though ratings may not help as much as some people may think, they do provide a springboard for parents to get involved. It should not stop with the game ratings, though. Since every person reacts differently to game contents, parents should spend some time with their children, both while they are playing their games and when they are doing other things, so that they can remain aware of how the games are effecting the children. When parents know what their children are doing, they have more opportunities to teach and guide them, discuss what is good or bad about the games they are playing, even shape the choices they make about future games that they will purchase (Thomas). If they are compelled, they may do as Thomas suggests and go so far as to sit down and “play with [their] kids” (Thomas paragraph 14). With this knowledge in hand, parents can feel confident and calm when their children go out and interact with the world.
In the classroom, teachers are having to discover new tools to get the attention of students. In his essay, Jenkins describes an incident where a social studies teacher used the popular game “Civilization III” in his classroom to get his students to participate. Jenkins says, “The students largely hated social studies, which they saw as propaganda” (paragraph 18). When the video game was introduced into the curriculum, though, the students had the opportunity to see how diplomacy and violence affect the economies of the nations they control, and as a result, they became more interested in social studies (pp. paragraph 18). Gaming in the classrooms is not exclusive to popular games either. Start-up company, OnRamp Arts, created a game that uses violence to teach historical events. Describing the game, Jenkins reveals:
The player assumes the role of the sole survivor of a 1981 massacre in El Salvador, attempting to investigate what happened to this village and why. In the process, the player explores some 500 years of the history of the colonization of Latin America, examining issues of racial genocide, cultural dominance, and the erasure of history. Winners of the game become "Heroes of the Americas" and in the process, they uncover the name of another victim of the actual slaughter… Rather than romanticizing violence, the kids dealt with… political violence and human suffering (Jenkins paragraph 37).

Even games like “The Oregon Trail” contain mild amounts of violence, which attracts children to play them. Because children are comfortable playing video games, they can be used to get children’s attention so that they will gain interest in a particular subject, and, as a result, learn about it.
Video games are primarily a source of entertainment, so it is not surprising that many people use them to relax and relieve stress. In his book, Jones explains that children use fantasy violence, such as comic books and video games, as a means to feel powerful in the face of their fears so that they can learn to deal with their problems (Jones pp. 2-4 and 12-15). Using himself as an example, Jones recalls that “[his] first memory is of tearing the monster’s arms off” (Jones, p. 1). As a child being cultured in the classics, his favorite story, and the only one he still remembers, is “Beowulf”. He insists that he was not a violent child, but rather a “mama’s boy” (Jones, p. 2), but when he imagined standing in the shoes of the hero it was the only time that he felt strong. Jones says that after September 11, 2001, many adults worried about how children would deal with the terror of the event. To Jones’ surprise, most of the children he encountered were already dealing with it by playing games and talking about it. Jones says, “This isn’t a failure to react appropriately to tragedy: this is how children deal with it. When something troubles them, they have to play with it until it feels safer” (p. 12). In many cases, acts of violence are unfamiliar to children. Jones says that after the Columbine shooting in 1999 the most popular video games were the most realistic looking shooter games. Jones maintains that the reason for this increase in popularity is because the players had never before dealt with the tension that the school shooting produced in the world around them. As gamers played these violent games, the events became more real (Jones pp. p. 99-100). After they understood what happened, the gamers’ anxieties diminished, and they were able to continue with their lives, better prepared to stand up to their fears.
This particular form of stress relief is not exclusive to children, though. In a personal interview, Jeremy Anderson said that violent video games are the only devices that can bring peace to his troubled mind. At the age of twelve, Jeremy’s parents kicked him out of his house, and, not knowing where else he could go, he spent the following year on the streets of downtown Denver, Colorado. He never joined a gang, and as a result, he had no protection from the many predators that surrounded him on a daily basis. After Jeremy’s grandparents found him and took him in, they tried to get him counseling, but it never worked. The only solace Jeremy found as a teen was in his video games. Now that he is an adult, Jeremy still turns to violent video games, rather than acting out against people when he is facing a problem that causes tension. After he has played for a while, he becomes collected enough to face his anxiety in a calm and rational manner. In a study submitted to Simile, many adults admitted that one of the primary reasons they play video games is to relieve stress and relax (Funk, pp. paragraph 25). They realize that a computer is a much better medium for blowing off steam than a wall or another human being.
Aside from stress relief, video games are also a popular group activity that, when used in the proper circumstances, can help prevent anti-social behavior. In Jones’ interview with Richard, he learned that the youth leader wanted games like Quake for his youth center so that more teens would come and participate in fake violence rather than the bloodshed that surrounded them in Belfast (pages 110-112). After this experience, Jones wrote:
People want to play with what matters to them, what excites or fascinates, or scares them. That may be something they’ve imagined, something they’ve seen on TV, or something they’ve lived. For Richard, playing Quake was a power fantasy, but the power was to remain calm in a frightening reality… He wanted the angry, frightened boys at his youth center to have the same fantasy world in which they could kill their own monsters (112).

One of the values of using video games in this way is that the players do not need to have anything in common to have a good time together, and because of the ways that technology is changing, this is often the case.
The most common occurrences of inter-culture mingling involve massive multiplayer online games (MMOs), both role-playing and shooter games. MMO players join in a wide variety of activities that require teamwork in order to succeed, and the gamers come from many backgrounds as Sue Hoye writes:
Games have hit a tipping point... More than half of all Americans play games now, and that's across the board, from middle-age soccer moms to teenagers on their cell phones. With the pervasiveness of the Internet and the ease of distribution, games have become an excellent new vehicle for serious content (paragraph 4).

Games such as the military’s “America’s Army,” though designed as a recruiting device, has attracted many civilian players and military veterans. When these players started talking, discussion included the seriousness of real life war. One incredible phenomenon that takes place in these games is that while players enact violence on each other in the game, they are actually bonding through the in-game chatting system (Jenkins pp. paragraphs 21-22). Multi-cultural gaming has provided an opportunity for discussion amongst many groups of people who may not seek each other out in different circumstances.
This is not exclusive to a single age group either. The first gaming generation has grown up, and they have children of their own who are old enough to play. The responsibilities of parent-hood limit the amount of time that is available for gaming. These adults really enjoy their time consuming hobby, and “for the generation that grew up with [video games], those virtual worlds have become a part of their everyday world” (Struck, paragraph 7), so rather than ignoring their children, these adult gamers have chosen to incorporate one of their favorite hobbies into their relationships (Struck). Multi-generational gaming has not stopped with the younger generations; Nintendo, the oldest console manufacturing company in the business, has recently released their fifth non-portable system, the Nintendo Wii. In an interview with Nintendo President and CEO, Satoru Iwata, one of the console designers says that the Wii was designed to be “fun for the entire family” (Nintendo, paragraph 39). The designer wanted to make games that he could play with his grandmother, and, as proven by several videos on the Nintendo Wii website, the company has succeeded in creating such a system. Now that parents can play with their children, and grandparents with their grandchildren, the generations are “bonding through a shared culture” (Struck, paragraph 7). More importantly, video games have gotten parents involved in their children’s lives, providing opportunities to talk and teach so that they will grow closer as a family.
Video games have become an integral part of society, literally millions of people in this nation alone play on a regular basis, and they don’t plan on stopping any time soon. Even though video games have been a suspected aggravator in school shootings, this does not mean that the entire populace will have the same reactions to the violence they interact with. If a parent is unsure about whether a game is appropriate for their child, all they need to do is a little research to find out about the game’s content, and with game ratings and in depth game web sites, this research is very easy to do. If any questions remain, sitting down and playing the game, either on their own or with their children, will provide the information they seek. When the parent knows the contents of their children’s games, they will be able to monitor the affects that they have and ensure that they do not get corrupted. With the proper guidance and supervision, video games are a valuable tool in the classroom, facilitating the course subject matter, and in some cases getting students interested in something they previously did not enjoy. In the home, the electronic medium supplies a convenient distraction from the problems of the world, giving the player a sense of power in a world that can feel completely out of control. Children escape to entertainment because it sparks their imagination; it shows them terrifying circumstances in a safe way so that they can learn to cope in the real world. For adults, especially those who grew up playing them, video games are an alternative to television at the end of a long, stressful workday. The varying styles of games can help relieve the tension of the day by either letting the player completely shut down and automatically play a game, or the game will provide puzzles that will consume the player’s concentration, therefore taking their mind off of the struggles of the day. When people come together over a shared interest, it strengthens relationships, both in and out of the family. When bonding occurs inside the family, parents are provided opportunities to teach their children and show them that they are loved. With all of the turmoil in the world, it isn’t surprising that game forums are used as a means to discuss the hottest issues in today’s news, exchanging personal views on current events in a safe, non-threatening environment. All in all, video games have provided many positive advances for society, and rather than pointing the finger at the few people who are affected negatively by them, it’s time to look at what they can do to help people.

Works Cited

Anderson, Jeremy. Personal Interview. 3 March 2007.

Funk, Jeanne B, Chan, Margaret, Brouwer, Jason, and Curtiss, Kathleen. "A Biopsychosocial Analysis of the Video Game-playing Experience of Children and Adults in the United States.." Simile. 6(2006): p1.

Grossman, David. "Teaching Kids to Kill." Killology Research Group. Fall 2000. Killology Research Group. 3 Mar 2007 .

Hoye, Sue. "Game Plan." Chronicle of Philanthropy 25 Jan 2007: p40.

Jenkins, Henry. "Make Meaning, Not War." Independent School Summer 2004: 33-48. Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Red Rocks Community College Library, 20 Feb. 2007

Jones, Gerard. Killing Monsters: Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make-Believe Violence. New York: Basic Books, 2002.

Nintendo, " - In-Depth Regional Coverage." 2007. Nintendo. 18 Mar 2007 .

Struck, Shawn. "The Gaming Generation." PC Magazine 20 Feb 2007: 109. Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Red Rocks Community College Library. 23 Feb 2007 .

Thomas, David. "Games won't Create Monsters, Just Engaged Players." The Denver Post 08 Aug 2006: F. 02. ProQuest Newspapers. ProQuest. Red Rocks Community College Library. 03 March 2007 .


That's it, let me know what you think, comments and such. In the next couple of days I should have a review of The Godfather for the Wii, opinions shaped partially by this project.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


I checked my final grades yesterday, still holding that 4.0.

In other school news, Emily still hasn't heard from Pinnacle, but she called yesterday and left a message with the principal (I think that's the right word for the job). Hopefully.....yeah you know the rest.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I just got yelled at

I've been on lunch for ten minutes, I told the people I was supposed to that I was on lunch, so when a rental pickup arrives, does anyone use the paging system to get a hold of my brother in the wood shop? NO they YELL AT ME!! So, from now on, I'm going to leave for lunch. I don't care if I only get thirty minutes, I'm taking off. Leaving, disappearing. Find someone else to do the damn job. As far as any job goes, I don't work unless I get paid. It's not because I'm greedy, it's because if I'm not separating my work time and my off time, I'll get stressed. No job is worth getting unnecessarily stressed over. It's different if I have a legitimate problem that I have to scramble for, but not over something small that anyone, including an untrained monkey, could handle.

Anyway, I'm going to sign the contract for our wedding venue today, and send out the check. This budget is staying very reasonable, and the wedding is still very us.

I'm up to 3,300+ word on my book so far, and that's a bit behind. I want 15,000 by may 31. That probably won't happen :( Oh well.

I continue training for the Children's Hospital tomorrow, and then I think I'll be on the rotation this Sunday. Not sure yet, but I'm hoping.

Gotta finish lunch and get back to work.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Stupid host

My video host cut off the end of my video, so I need to find another host that will let me display the entire thing. I really want a web site, but I don't have the money for that.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Two Minutes and counting

I have to get back to work in just a moment. Just hopped on to say that I have to do my final tonight, and then turn in my essay tomorrow and then I am done with school for the school year. Woot.

Emily still hasn't heard back from the school she applied to, we really want to hear back. Oh, and we checked out the Hudson Gardens yesterday and will probably use that location for our wedding. It's exciting.

We are slowly pulling this wedding stuff together.

Ok, back to work, now.

Friday, May 04, 2007

I am done

I just have studying to do for my french final exam, but I am DONE with the final essay. Once I get my grades I'll post it.

I'll start working on my book again....possibly tonight, but deffinitely tomorrow. The coolest thing is that I don't need to carry around a heavy bag any more. All I need are a few notebooks, which are very light, and my computer. WOO HOOOO!!!

I'm going to try to take a creative writing class this fall.

Okay, time something else. I'm sick of sitting at my computer, so I'm going to work on my book anyway.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

No poker for me

I spent the evening writing rather than going to play poker for free. I like writing, and it was relaxing. It's taking a while to get used to fiction rather than acedemic, though. I'm doing well at work, I think. I'm really enjoying it.

I don't have as much to say as I thought I might. I'll get back to you later.

Monday, April 30, 2007

I think....I.....can....make it.....

One more week until school is out for the summer. Aghhh!! I want to be done NOW! I'm glad to be done with homework, except minor edits on my essay of course, but now I can spend my free time working on my book. WOO HOO!!!!

Anyway, Emily said she thinks her interview went well today, but the person she met with was not very vocal. Hopefully we'll know something by the end of the week. That would be really nice.

With school almost out, I'll be able to go check out the venue for the wedding with Emily and then we can start going over a guest list. We also need to get ring ideas so that we can, well, get rings. Other than that, this is going to be easy....I think.

I don't really want to volunteer anymore, partly because I need to spend time planning the wedding, and because I need to work on my book, but mostly because it's inconvenient. That's not a good enough reason not to though. I'll be calling the hospital tomorrow to see when I should come down to finish my training.

I want to go, but I still have half a french class.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Ok, so that's good

I think we found a photographer for the wedding, we went to a bridal show (yes I went along, and yes I had a good time.....hanging out with my FIANCE) and we got some good names and vendors. I'm excited because school is almost done! HURRAY!!

I bought The Godfather: Black Hand Edition for the Wii, the game rocks, some stuff bothers me, though. I'm not writing a review yet, but when I finish the semester I'll post a review of sorts. I'll also post my final essay after I get my grade. You'll get a look at my style and my opinions at that point, at least regarding violent video games.

Teacher's here, time for french.

Saturday, April 21, 2007


Again at the coffee shop. I'm working on school, which is going really well. I have some research to do for my french class and some workbook stuff to finish, and I also have four pages to edit on my final essay....but that's it! Hurray! I may go buy a video game today as a celebration because I know now that I'll be able to finish everything. It's not going to be difficult either.

As for the book, I don't know when I'll have time to sit down and work on it, also why I might not buy a game (still pretty busy). Hmm.....just thought I would give an update as to what I'm doing.

Emily and I are going to a bridal show with out mothers tomorrow. We are also celebrating her birthday with the Sunday Night crew....then I get to take her out on Tuesday, her actual birthday.

Pray for her. She hasn't heard back from the school that she wanted to work for yet, so we just need patience and trust in God. I really want her to get this job because this is the one that she wants. It provides her an opportunity to actually work with kids without the state getting in the way.

I don't want to do anymore homework :P

Friday, April 20, 2007

Fun with my computer

I've been working with Garage Band, it rocks because I can write music now. Awesome.

The book is being delayed a bit until homework is done. I'm at work so I'm just doing a small update. Have fun. More news to come.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

These are moving lights that I have been testing as they come back into the shop. One of them had a cracked motor cover. I fixed it :) Not a huge accomplishment because it's simple and easy, but I'm still proud of it because I fixed it.

We didn't go to the potential venue for the wedding on tuesday because I needed to sleep in so that I wouldn't be sick anymore. I feel much better now, but I still have a tickle in my throat that's making me cough.

I'm going to have to start paying my parents rent. No big deal, it's not as much as living on my own, I'll still have over half of my paycheck to save after my bills. Now worries. Ok, teacher just walked in, time for class.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

We're down in Colorado Springs this weekend visiting Emily's mom and meeting Emily's church friends and family. That pic is me in the car.

I got all the homework done that I wanted to, but if I have any trouble sleeping I might get some more work done. Either that or I'll work on my book.

Life's going well, I haven't heard back from the venue for the wedding.....we're supposed to take a look at the place so that we can decide if we want to book it, but they haven't called me back. Ok then. Time to go. I need to relax. I'm feeling like I might be getting sick. I don't want to get sick, I hate being sick. My throat hurts and I don't know why. I don't have any other symptoms. Just a soar throat.


I'm getting there

I'm almost done with homework for the weekend.

Work sucked yesterday. I screwed up a couple of orders, not beg mistakes, but they took big fixes. I don't want to get in trouble. It bothers me because this is the only job I've ever had where I'm not one of the best. I know it could come with time, but this isn't something I'm passionate about, so I'm excited about it. I also need time off. I've been working a lot because of school and my job and it's just wearing on me. I won't ask for time off in the first ninety days, though, so I have to wait for a couple more months. Beginning of June :P Whatever.

The book is getting set to the side until I am satisfied with my homework. I may not have the opportunity to really work on it until after the semester is over. That may push back my deadlines. Oh well. That's life, right? I just want to write full time.

Going to a coffee shop to work on my essay and drink chai. Maybe I'll have time to work on my book too.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


I got a free movie today....Drunken Master. Awesome movie. I'm bummed, though, because I was going to get Emily a Mumble from Build-A-Bear for her birthday because she loves penguins,
but they're sold out :( Then I was going to get The Godfather for the Wii, but they were sold out at EBGames, and now I think I want to save my money for other things. I really want the game, but I want patio furniture more, and I want a grill, and I want a nice place with the woman I love. I know the game only costs fifty bucks, but it'd be nice to say that that money went toward a home rather than my entertainment.

Besides, I need to spend time writing, not playing video games.

Things this evening didn't turn out as planned, so please pray that I don't get stressed. I know everything is fine and that I have enough time for my homework, I just tend to overreact when I don't get to do my homework when I plan it. Life is good, though.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Emily is Interviewing

She's up in Fort Collins today interviewing for six different school districts. If all goes well she will have a job as a teacher this fall. Hopefully we'll know by the end of the month. That would R0x0rs H4rdc0r3!

I've started work on my book but it's coming slowly. I'm going to start a small writing project as warm-up writing, possibly FC if I can get that in my brain again. Check out Gabe's blog and then get the Daily Dime, links are at the end of his posts.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

A Head of Schedule

I just finished the step sheet for the novel, so now I can start writing my book. I'll let you all know about progress. I'm excited! Let's see how long I can stick with this. I still have school, but homework has been easy so far and the semester is almost over. Ok, have fun.


Not a lot to say. I have homework to do today, and then I'm getting together with Emily when she gets done with work. We are going to go to church together tomorrow, and we still have wedding stuff to do. That's making me feel rather useless. I have NO clue what needs to be done to get ready. Ok, that's not true. I know we need rings, I know we need a license, I know that we need a venue booked (if they ever call me back. I'm calling them again on Monday), and I know we need to rent tuxes and buy dresses and flowers and a cake. Oooo yeah, cake :)

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


I like having enough time to do all of my homeowork because I am currently caught up. This is good because I'll be able to work on my book some more which means I am on schedule. It's going to be difficult with a wedding to plan, though. Everything is going to work out. It's nice when God provides. There is deffinitely going to be enough money for the wedding, and we'll be able to have the wedding that we want to have. We may have to cut somethings back, but we haven't even looked into that very much. Updates will come. I'd create a wedding blog, but that's just too much work. I may have Emily write some stuff for this one about the wedding, or if she posts something on her xanga site I'll link it.

Have a good week. I'll update as things change, or as I feel like.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Wedding stuff

So we probably have our location for the ceremony/reception, but we aren't 100% sure yet. I'll let ya'll know where and when. We don't have a date yet, but it's looking like just around Christmas and New Years. I found out that I don't get any paid vacation time until I've worked here for a year, no big deal, just something that I need to budget around for the honeymoon. Money won't be a big deal because we are having a simple wedding and there is money set aside for the wedding. Emily's mom and dad both have money available. The only reason that the unpaid vacation would make a difference is because that's a week that I wouldn't be getting paid for. Once again, no big deal. I just need to be wise with my money and budget properly.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

New post

New Flatiron City story. Read it please.

Justified concern

My parents seem to be a little upset that Emily and I are waiting so long to get married. The only time that would really work, though, is this winter. Ideally, we would get married when all of our family can be in town without getting stressed out, but Molly should be in town during winter break, short though it is, and that's when we're getting married. We won't be in compromising situations, so they shouldn't be worried about that. I refuse to get myself into a situation where something wrong could happen. God is the center of my life, and the center of our relationship, and to fear the worst, though understandable, it gets rather tiresome. I know my struggles, my temptations, and my weaknesses. I'm going out of my way to make sure that purity is not lost.

Ok. Jeremy, nice guy that he is, said he'll make our rings for us, which is awesome because they'll be personal. It will also be less expensive. I don't know how much it's going to cost, but he's not going to make us pay labor, so it'll be lab rental (because he doesn't own a lab) and materials. Much less expensive.

It's been nice to have a week off from school. I've done a little homework, and I've worked 43 hours and 45 paycheck is going to be nice! I'm going to be writing my novel starting May 1. Period! If I haven't finished the outline, I'll fix things as I go, I need to be writing though, and I need to find out how to continue writing quickly.

Ok, pray for wisdom, as always, and purity. You have my permission to ask me how I'm doing in that front.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Major update!

Ok, the only reason that I didn't write this yesterday is because we hadn't told anyone yet, so our families had to find out first.

On Saturday, March 24, at aproximately 11pm, I asked my best friend, Emily King, to marry me. She said yes. You all wanted to know, I'm sure:)

Saturday, March 24, 2007


I'll interview at The Children's Hospital this afternoon. I should be volunteering there in the next couple of weeks. I'm so excited.

The compy is still working fine, I've been using it quite a bit and nothing has gone wrong. Still crossing my fingers, though.

Pray for wisdom, yet again. I've been dry this week, and I'm really feeling it. I need to be more consistant. I've been praying, but the lack of Biblical input is draining.

I'm making headway on my step sheet. Way behind schedule as far as writing goes, but I might be able to start writing by may (that might have been my first goal anyway). I'm at work right now, just waiting for a client to show up and make a return. He has just over an hour. I'm going to work on FC for a bit.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Aaaaand....I dropped it

My Mac has already taken a fall. It still works fine (as far as I know), but it fell out of my bag as I was packing it up at work. My protection plan doesn't cover falls, either. At least it still works. I'm obsessive about taking care of this kind of thing, so it shouldn't have happened this time, and it shouldn't happen again.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Oh hey, I got a mc

That's right, I got one. A MacBook Pro. Stripped, but all I need. If I ever need anything bigger, I'll be making enough money to buy a better one.

Oh, does anyone know any good security software for Macs? I need something, like a popup blocker for Safari. Please let me know.

Almost time for bed. I just have a couple things to finish loading on.

Monday, March 19, 2007

What a day

Yesterday one of my friends got married, and it's the first wedding I've been to in four years where I didn't feel all, "When will it be my turn to get married?" I am genuinely happy for them! And excited that they are so happy.

Then today happened. It turns out that one of my best friend's girlfriend might be cheating on him. They are living together, which is something I, as a Christian, don't agree with, but they aren't Christians, so I'm not holding them to my standard. However, I know some stuff is going on, and I don't know how much HE knows. Ethically, I feel like I should tell him what I know, but at the same time, I don't want to be a trouble maker. Of course this happens the one week when ALL of my spiritual leaders are out of town (two on a mission trip to Israel, and one (mentioned above) on his honeymoon). Grrrr! I don't know what to do, and it's making me depressed and nauseous.

Time for bed. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I meant to, I swear

I was going to write last night, hanging out with Emily, but she showed up later than expected, and then we ordered pizza from Papa Murphy's, show up and they were closed, so we hopped (not literaly) over to the King's and got Red Baron's pizza instead. The pizza wasn't finished until almost ten, and I had a Guinness with dinner (it was St Pati's day, what do you expect? Ok, I drink Guinness anyway.....). Needless to say, all I did was watch a movie and chit chat. No writing. But the talking was good.

Steve is getting married today, that should be cool. I'm just getting ready to have my devotions, then I'll finish getting ready for the wedding.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Bachelor Party tonight

No, not mine. My buddy Steve is getting married on sunday. I won't get plastered, a: because the Bible says not to get drunk on too much wine, but be filled with the Holy Spirit (sounds religious, but I believe that is a command), b: I don't like how getting a little too buzzed feels, c: I have to drive tonight, d: I have to work in the morning. It'll be fun, though.

I've been getting a lot of church lately, I really like it :)

Still reading Psalms. There is so much awesome stuff. Oh, on that note, if you want to see a fictional representation of Esther's husband, watch 300. Yep, same guy.

School is going well, I keep remaining caught up on my homework. Oh yeah, I'll be volunteering at Children's Hospital soon. I have an interview on the 24th of March. I should be able to do it on Sundays. Emily is applying too.

I have to get some writing done this weekend. I have an idea for another FC short, so we'll see what happens. Depending on what happens with school over the summer I might spend a lot more time writing for FC and my book.

God Bless You.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


I'm getting tired really easily. I should be in bed right now but I still need to take a shower.

I finally had a chance to go to church. I've missed the service for my age-group the previous two weeks. It's nice to have consistancy in my life....I've been growing spiritually for several months now, and I've had the opportunity to help others grow. It is such a blessing to be alowed to serve God that way. I love that He is using me.

I want changes again. I'm feeling like there needs to be more to my life, but I don't know what it is. I want to know. I need to work on writing again, but school has been getting in the way of that. I should have a computer soon, though, so I'll have more opportunities to write.

I just wish I knew what I was feeling and why. It's not bad, it's just that I feel like there should be so much more than there is, like God has more for me, I just don't know what else He wants me to do.

Monday, March 12, 2007


It probably has something to do with the fact that I've been working six days a week, only 38 hours, but six days still makes it hard for your body to relax. Oh yeah, I was up until two on saturday also.....except after I got up at ten, I remembered (for the fifth or sixth time that weekend) that time jumped ahead an hour. So I went to bed at three and got up at eleven. Then I did homework for a few minutes, hung out with some friends, went to see 300 because Jeremy's birthday is today, then we all went to village inn. I was home by 12:15 and in bed by quarter to one.

I like my new job, I just get tired and I don't have a whole lot of time to do what I'd like......such as sleeping. I can't really ask for time off yet, either.

K, gotta go to work.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Update on my life

Ok, so I haven't posted in a while....My new job started on monday, and I really like it. I have energy, even after six days of work, the type of physical activity that I haven't done in over two years. It's still less draining than one holiday weekend in retail!

I'm borrowing my mom's laptop this afternoon and right now I'm sitting at La Dolce Vita (Italian for The Sweet Life) in Old Town. I'm pretty much caught up on homework for the weekend, what I don't get done tonight I'll work on tomorrow.

I'm going to go to church at 7:15, skipping the music because I don't really like it, but I love the teaching. Anyhow, after church I'll probably hang out with a friend.

Ramble, ramble.......I need my own laptop. I'm going to get one with my tax return. Hopefully.

I don't want to do my homework right now, so I'm stalling.

I need more time to work on my book. I haven't worked on it in a while, but after I get my own laptop I should be able to do more work.

Typing sucks on this thing. I'll get used to it eventually, I'm sure.

Pray for me. I need wisdom. I need guidance. I have money, though, so that's not an issue.

I saw "The Bridge to Terabithia" last night, good movie. I cried. Ok, fine, I'll get to work now....if I must.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

A Prayer

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. "But seek first His kingdom and His rightousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33 (awesome chapters, read them both)

God I thank You so much for the blessings that You have given me. I thank you for two and a half years (almost, anyway) of faithful work that I have done for Borders. I praise You for blessing me with that job when I didn't know where to go, and I thank You that You provided for me through that job for as long as You did. Now I thank You for giving me a job with my parents again. I never want this to be about money, but I thank You for the pay-raise. Please help me to be wise with the added finances. Please help me to work my hardest and do my best so that I will be a blessing to the family business.

Thank You so much for a family that really cares about me. Thank You for loving me enough to die for me, and thank You for saving me. Thank You for my friends; Gabe, Steve and Lauren, Steve, Jeremy and Sarah, Justin, and Emily. Thank You so much for everything.

I pray that You will help me to continually seek after You, and that my family and friends will seek after You. Please use me to bless the people around me, be glorified through me.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Nearly lost the plot

I'm confused again. I don't know what I want, but some part of me wants something. I can't figure it out....maybe I'm not ready to figure it out, or maybe I don't want to yet. I have too many important things to do and looking into that part of my life might get just a little to distracting.

I'm reading Ecclesiastis now. I love that book. It has so much wisdom in it. I need wisdom all the time:) Pray for me please.

Friday, February 16, 2007

I'm awake

I slept a LOT last night. It felt good. Anyhow, I'm not in my "tired depressed" mood anymore either. In any case, I'm glad to be awake today. I have some school work and some cleaning to do, then I'm going to go to work. One week left.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Tired as all get out

I only got four hours of sleep last night. Trying to think about anything that way is not easy for me. I'm exhausted and I don't know the best way to fix my stepsheet. I need my other copies that have been annotated by my friends, anyway. I have some improvements that I've already made, so that's good. I just want to spend more time writing. I'm too tired, though. I'm getting depressed, too. I did a good deal of school work today, but because I've been home all day, I feel as if I haven't done anything important. I'm looking forward to when I'll get to volunteer at the Children's Hospital. I want to go to bed, but I'm hungry. Feel's like a wasted day, but it wasn't. I don't want to be with people right now, but I don't want to be alone. I'm not that depressed, just feel really sleepy with that mild down attitude.

I can't think. I need sleep.

To Take in All I Can

So, Valentine's Day. Anything to say? I hung out with a friend.....yes that friend is a girl, but not my "girlfriend". We had an anti-valentine party. Not a pity party, though. We ate pizza, watched Ocean's 11 (the new version), drank blackberry mead (Rocky Mountain Meadery, Gabe, it's awesome!) and then we talked about spiritual stuff. I've been doing that a lot with her lately. Oh yeah, her name is Emily. We work together, I may have talked about her before on this blog. We won't be working together by the end of next week because I got a job working for my parents starting on the 26th.

Anyway, I had an epiphany one day and realized that God wants me to ask my friends how they're doing and then try to help them. I didn't pick Emily as the first person to ask, but that's how it worked out. As a result, I've been able encourage her and give her advice that has visibly produced growth in her spiritual life and her relationship with God. I tell you this to say, "God is wonderful because He has provided a way for ministry and as a result, one of His children is growing." Don't look at me, this is all God's doing. Yes I was faithful to do what I knew He wanted me to do, but it's still all about Him. A bonus to my faithfulness is that I have a good friend.

There is a lot to say about this friendship because it's complicated. I don't know that I want to say anything because I don't know how that will affect things. If I didn't have school work to do, I might go into more detail, but I'm feeling that tug telling me to get to work. Stupid boring work. I want to do other stuff.....and I'm going to today. I'll do my homework and then I'm going to work on my book. A final look through for the outline and a-writing I will go. I'll at least write the first chapter as I work on the outline. I need to write and FC won't cut it. I want to write about my characters.

Pray that God will be glorified through my life. Pray that I will strive to be selfless. Pray that God will give me wisdom and that I will heed it.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I just don't know what's going on

Ok, so I've been really enjoying my time with my friends, and I've been good at keeping it mostly about them, however, I'm getting concerned with....well....myself. I don't want to think about myself, that's God's job. I need to be others-focused. It's hard, though, because I want to be married so badly, but I don't know how to be in a positive relationship and dare to ask for anything that I want. The friendships that I have right now are so great because I don't expect anything from the people around me, more accurately, I'm not asking for anything. When I factor myself into anything, I go into a downward spiral of selfish thinking. I just don't know how to do it, incorporate myself into the lives of others, get what I would like, but in a selfless manner with the sincere intent of bringing glory to God. I just don't know. There are things that I want, but I don't want to ask, on the one hand because I don't NEED what I would be asking for, on the other hand, I'm afraid of the answer. I'm afraid of a definite no because I don't know if I would sink into selfish desire, and I'm afraid of a yes because I just don't know how I would react. I'm afraid of the change that that could bring about. I need wisdom from God. I know it will come, and I am patiently waiting. It's still confusing. I know God wants what's best for me, I know He'll provide for me, I just want to bring Him glory, and I'm struggling to keep my focus on that.

Friday, February 09, 2007

So that sucked

Smokin aces was a severly lacking in plot, logic, and good acting. Explosions are cool, but they didn't even do that well.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

A Lot to dodge

There is a lot of crap flying around me. I appreciate when my friends try to help me, but this is bordering on meddling and it's pissing me off.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Worthless words

It seems that regardless of what I do, I'm fighting an uphill battle. The scouter, charting unfamiliar territory, following a single light floating in the near-distance, close enough to feel the heat emanating from it, but unassailably beyond my grasp. And yet I follow, in the dark. My companions, if they exist, are just outside the sphere of illumination put off by the light, and so I climb amidst the stones and arrows, with a solitary light and my troubled thoughts for company.

I Corinthians 10:13 says that I no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. Well, this feels different. It seems that everybody around me can't comprehend what I'm going through, and believe me, I've tried talking about it. They tell me, "I just don't get it. I've never been there." Then they go on to quote the Bible the way a good Christian should. Not actually attempting to understand, just giving the surface answer. Regardless of whether or not what they say is true, it means nothing with that intent. The answer I'm looking for is genuine concern. If you're just telling me the "right" answer to feel like you've done something, but then you go on with your life, you didn't help. You should feel guilty for ignoring the pull at your conscience. Don't give me the perfect answer, I don't care. I can see through your facade, you're not authentic. I'd rather you tell me you don't have a flipping clue, but then stick around and pay a-f**king-tension!! If you've known me for any more than six months, you know my family medical history and the problems I can be prone to. Not that I'm in any physical danger, but I tend to blow things out of proportion and obsess until I go insane. Looking back at all those times, it's easy to see why the rest of the world looks at Christians as fake, hypocritical, and down right stupid. All we do is give the "right" answer and "leave it in God's hands". But He tells us to make disciples of all nations. If you're a disciple, the worst thing in the world is for your master to ignore you. If you haven't gone through something before, you want people to help you. Yes, God should be the person you go to, and we should always encourage the troubled in the world to seek Him, but we are called, nay commanded, to walk beside them. Love your neighbor. We have taken the path of the Pharisees and Sadducee's and stepped around the truly hurting, sweeping them under the rug, fearing that if the World sees them, they will think that we're just as fucked up as everyone else. Well, and pardon my language, we are fucked up. There's no way around it. If we weren't, we wouldn't need God, we wouldn't need each other, and we wouldn't live significant lives. I challenge you, even if I must climb alone, you do not. I will always be there. I will point you to God, but then I will sling your arm around my shoulder and carry you until you are able to carry yourself. The challenge, then, is this: do not force the people in your life to climb alone. Forget your own insignificant problems for just a moment and look around. There will always be someone hurting more than you, and you will always be hurting, so if you insist on doing it alone, remember that you can't do it. Help other people. Get off your ass and do something for someone else. God commands it. I can't say it enough. If you wait until you aren't hurting, it'll be to late.

As for me? I will serve the Lord. I will never be alone, the Light will always guide me and I will do my best to keep my eyes fixed on Him. I cannot see or hear my support, but that's not relevant. I can see God. Even if you paid attention to me, I don't know that I would rely on you because in the end, you will lose your strength and I don't want to cause you to fall. I'm stronger than you think because I have climbed on my own for so long. I know the life I lead, and I know it well. That's not to say that I am better than any of you, I just know that others cannot do this alone, so if there is anything I can do to help, I'll do it. Could I be helped? Probably. Aside from my parents and Gabe, few people have actually gone out of their way for me. I'm not complaining, I'm just making my point. Where are they now? Dealing with their own lives, either too busy to be here because they have a duty to God, or too preoccupied with their own troubles to notice who and what I am. And I hate to say it, but mom and dad, as much as I love you, you too are guilty of insincere answers. I know you wanted to tell me what the Bible says, but sometimes it comes across as simply trying to provide an easy answer, not easy for me, but easy for you. I cannot remember any times that I have committed this crime against my neighbors, but I am extremely good at forgetting my mistakes. That is to say, I guarantee you that I have done this, and probably many times. I will do my best never to do it again. People trust me, people I have never met, and I can't figure out why, but I cannot let them down. If I call on you for help, will you let me down? The day may come, and soon, when I will need support.

If you have read this far, I am truly shocked. My thoughts are as disconnected as I feel from everyone around me. I cannot form them the way I should. Please pray for me. God is on my side, just pray that I continue to follow Him.