Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Who did what now?

My other family is getting together twice a week, now. We hang out on Sunday nights, and now we go bowling on Monday nights.

I have to write about cell phones for my eng class. I don't particularly care about this project except that it counts for my grade. I'll do my best, but it's rather boring.

The english department at my school is going to Ireland this summer. It's $1600 plus tuition for the classes that will be available: Celtic Literature (FUN!) and Travel Writing (Dude, I have to do that!). The manditory pretrip meetings would cause me to miss four nights of french, though. That would cause a drop in my grade. I want to go, but I can't miss my class. Hmm....what to do.

Back to Cell Phones.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Wow, changes everywhere

So it would appear that everything around me has reached that point temporaryness (that's a word, right?) that makes me wonder, when's it all going to end? I'm realizing very quickly that just about every friendship that I have will, sooner or later, come to an end. Not that I will force the end, or even that the end will be bad, but so many people are planning on moving that I see many friendships simply drifting apart. As much as that sucks, I'm not crying over it. I'm doing what I can to focus on what God has for my life.

Some friendships will be sorely missed. I'm not looking forward to them ending and I wish I could find some way to make them permanent, but I don't know how I could accomplish that. I want to be there for these people, but they need to be seeking God. I'll help as much as I can, but the inevitability of a separation looms down upon me. I hope that I'm wrong, I really do, but I've been right just a few too many times in the last few weeks and months. I'm no prophet, so don't quote me. I leave this in the hands of God and pray that I will be faithful to Him. I just hope that these people will do the same before He steps in and pulls the rug out from under their feet.

God's blessings on you, my friends.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I feel really sick

No, seriously....I'm going through some stuff that is making me see just how out of control I am. I don't have a problem letting God remain in control, it's just rough riding shotgun when He starts pulling donuts in the ice parkinlot. That's kinda how I feel. I know He will take me to the best place for me, I just need to trust him. I'm at peace, too, just motion-sick and wondering when it's going to stop.

I'm going to fill out an aplication to volunteer at the Denver Children's Hospital. I'm excited but scared to death. I've never dealt with the pain and suffering of others very well, and I love kids. I'm expecting to get really sad and depressed for the first couple of weeks. Pray that I'll have the strength to minister to those kids.

I want to quit my job again.....like last week. I want to work with people on a deeper level than what I do. I know, you read this already. I haven't been to the hospital yet, but if I won the lottery (no, I don't buy tickets) I would try to go for at least eight hours a week. I want to work with people. That's my heart's greatest desire.

I also want to be married. That'll happen in God's time. I just need the wisdom to discern when His time has come. I need wisdom in general.

Writing has helped, I don't think the "panic" will go away completely, I just need to remain calm and focus on God. Pray that I remain focussed on what He has for me. Pray that I have the wisdom to know what He has for me. Pray that I'll be patient. Pray that God will use me to minister to the people around me. Pray that GOD will be glorified!

Let me know if you want prayer. I'll pray for you. I have a bad memory, but I'll do my best to remember what you need. You are a lot more important to me than my needs are. I want to pray for you. So let me know if you need or want prayer.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

done done done

I finished this stage in the stepsheet. Now I need readers to tell me how to fix it. What they want changed. I'll email it to my friends now. Enjoy it, ya'll.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

This is funny

I think I want to cry, but I'm not sure why. Things are going well, school, work, my book, but I just feel weird. I don't know how else to say it. I'm not depressed, I just want to cry, almost as if I'm overwhelmed with emotion. It's more like I'm not sure whether I should be laughing or crying. I don't know where to go from here.

I had fun with a friend last night. We talked about God a lot. I asked if there was anything I could pray about, now let's just hope I remember what to pray for :)

Gabe had a good idea....I'm going to see of my friends will go for it.

Can I cry now? Oh.....no shoulder here.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Another delay

Ok, so I haven't been diligent. I'll have the stepsheet done by the end of the month......most likely. Most likely. Ok. It's almost done, have no fear. I just have to finish the story and then make sure I don't find any holes. Then ya'll can check it out.

Time for something new

That's how I feel. I need a change, something has to change. I have to feel like I'm making progress! I must or I'll go insane. I want to quit my job, not because I hate it, but because if I can do that then I must be moving forward. I don't have any other source of income, though, so that's not an option. I want my book published, but I couldn't get a contract and an advance in the next two months, not with my class schedule. I feel like all of the things that I must focus on are the things holding me back.

On the other hand, if I work diligently, I should have the outline finished by tonight. Ready to send by morning. That would be awesome.

The marriage thing is still bothering me, has been all day.

So....how bout that life thing?

I like my life....most of the time. No reason to complain today. I'm bummed that my tai chi class was cancelled, but God is good. My homework load for the week is light enough that I'll be able to work on writing some.

I'm still praying for my friends. They are important to me. I would die for these people. I hope you understand how serious that is. On that note, I made an effort to try and patch up some holes that I created in my friendship with Gabe. I'm glad I did, too. Things are changing and sometimes it looks like I won't have the opportunity in the near future.

This year is a year of new beginnings for me. I have my writing project that I'm making great progress on, I have my "ministry" that I want to start, and I have this overwhelming desire to be married by the end of the year (still no prospects, though). All I'm saying is that this year is going to be very different, and it could shape the rest of my life. My core group of friends is shifting, that's big. Everything is big for me.

Pray for my friends. I can't say why. Just do it.....please:) I love these people. If you think about it, you can pray for me, but God has everything under control so focus toward them if you really have the time. They are so much more important.

I have to say that I'm doing much better at trusting God, and myself. That's very important. I'm trusting my friends again, too. That's huge. I've had trust issues recently, brought on, in part, by my last "encounter" with Elizabeth. My justification for not talking to her was that I couldn't trust myself to do the right thing if I actually talked to her. I believed that, too. So I built up walls to keep myself from hurting myself and others. Worked out okay, I guess, except it pushed Gabe away. It got so bad that I was in danger of pushing my parents away. Secluding myself from the entire world. I'm glad God got my attention before that happened.

That's about all I have to say for now. Have a good week. If you need anything, please ask. I live to serve the All Mighty, and if I can do that by helping you, I would be honored.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Good and bad

So, I went to my first class for the semester today. I really like the teacher. I'm going to enjoy this class. My tai chi class got cancelled because only three people signed up. Bummer. Oh well, more time for writing and ministry.

Emily had some trouble with her car on sunday, turns out she had a nail in three of her tires. She's lucky that she didn't have a blowout, especially with how icy it's been, but it also means replacing three tires on her car. She needs to start paying off her student loans this month. She works at the same place I do so she's not exactly making a lot of money. Pray that God will provide for her.

Stepsheet is coming along nicely. I have homework to do, but I should be able to work on my stepsheet some today. Probly gonna crash at Jeremy's tonight (never did last week). We're going up to Idaho Springs tomorrow and it would be easier than getting up early.

I'm working on my french homework so that I'm caught up when I go to that class (I'm missing the first class tomorrow). I'm really remembering a lot. I enjoy french. J'aime le francais. I only have two classes this semester and I'm not picking up another one to replace the one I lost. I'm going to write.

Have a good week everyone.

Friday, January 12, 2007

On we go...

I finished Act II for the stepsheet. Three more to go, followed by minor edits, followed by audience review, followed by final revisions, followed by manuscript writing. Yeah baby!

Time for working again

School starts on Tuesday. I don't wanna go. I want to write more with my free time, but I know I need the education. What I really want is this.......Two goals, one desire, one really big dream.

I want to be a missionary. Not like anything I've ever seen, though. I want to do something like Donald Miller, where he witnesses to his friends at school and in coffee shops. I don't want to do things exactly like him, though. I'm not sure what it would look like. That's what I want to do. The goals that go along with that are as follows. I want to be able to write full time by the end of the year. I also want to be out of my job by the end of the year. The desire is to be married before I start the missionary thing so that she's in it from ground zero. I want her to be as involved as much as I am. So that's my dream. Writing full time, away from my current job, and married by the end of the year. I don't know if any of that is going to happen, especially because I don't know who I would be marrying. Anyway, it's all in God's hands. I just need to be faithful.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Children of "meh"

I saw "Children of Men" yesterday. Good movie, keeps you on the edge of your seat. Rather predictable, though. There was an unnecessary scene with nudity in it. My heathen friend (her words, not mine) even agreed that is was out of place because she was covered up in the rest of the scene. It just didn't fit. It was like they put it in there just to do it. Plot wise, it's another one of those, "Oh now, we can't have babies, the world is going to end....wait, she's pregnant, save her, save the human race." I can say it has some awesome cinematography and action sequences, but other than that, it's nothing special. See it if you like.

So, that's what I did yesterday, rather than writing. I got off of work and intended on writing (I figured out a way through the brick wall that I got stuck at) but then Emily had called and said I should hang out with her, Sarah, and Jeremy. So I did. And I had fun. These people are awesome, I just love hanging out with them.

Anyway, there's an update for you, I'm going to read some biblical beef jerky and work on my book.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I'm stuck

Ok, so I'm going through my story and I've hit a dead-end. The next piece in the plotline doesn't fit where I have it, but I don't have anything to put there that will create sufficient tension. I need someone to pin the murder on and I need my detective to stumble on some evidence that will get him in trouble. Hmm.......I just need some ideas. I should read another mystery book. That should help.

Anyway, I'm going to hang out with my little brother this afternoon. We're going to go see Eragon. That should be fun. Still supposed to snow, but I've heard it'll only be 4-8 inches....at least that's what the news said. I'm still going to try to crash at my friends' place.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Snow again.

It's supposed to snow again on thursday, friday and saturday. I heard there is supposed to be somewhere around four or five FEET! If that happens, I need to be away from my house. I love my family and all, but if I have to get snowed in again, I want to be stuck with my friends. Besides, the people I would be staying with live closer to where I work.

I don't know yet if I'll be staying with them, but I'm going to BEG the moment it starts to snow.

I might be getting a laptop. I don't know yet, but it might happen.

Should be picking up my school books today. If I miss the first two days of class due to high amounts of snow, I'll drop my ENG Comp class. I can handle the other ones. I don't want to drop any classes, so pray that the snow is not as bad as I heard. Pray the snow away. I love the snow, but a month straight is more than enough.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

So I was selfish

I spent the last two evenings hanging out with friends, rather than sitting at my computer writing. I'll be doing the same thing tonight. I know, I need to be writing, but with all of the snow, I just had to take the opportunities to be away from the house....going stir crazy. And last night I wanted to celebrate because of my grades and I got a raise:) Woot.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

It's about time...

I finally found out what my grades for the first semester were.....all "A"s. I have a 4.0 GPA. WOO HOO!!!! Just thought you might want to know how your friend did in school.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Despite minor setbacks

I had to run down to my grandparents' house this morning to help put away Christmas decorations. It didn't take long, so no big deal. My point it, I'm coming along nicely on my stepsheet. If I know you, and you want to read the stepsheet as a test audience, post a comment. If I don't know you, feel free to let me know if you want to read the stepsheet, but I'm a bit paranoid about my work. If you happen to be an accredited editor.....let's talk :). Oh yeah, if anyone knows anyone who is familiar with the English justice system and political system, I'd like to make sure that I'm giving accurate information as to how these systems work in the story. Post comments. If you feel comfortable leaving an email, you can do that, but I wouldn't recomend it on this public site. I don't have a date for the finished stepsheet, but I want it to be within the next week and a half.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Mmm Whiskey

That's right, I'm drinking. Not much, just enough to savor the flavor. I like Guinness too:)

Anyway, I've been thinking about the Psalms lately. I've decided they're the beef jerky of the Bible. Let me explain before you burst a capillary or bust a gut. The Psalms are rich and hearty, enjoyable to chew on, savor. The longer you roll it in your mouth, so to speak, the more you learn about them. Much like jerky, the flavor will change, but it won't deplete. If you like, you can find a certain amount of enjoyment by quickly chewing and swallowing, receiving sustenance. Or you can suck on the meat for a while, exploring the flavorful nuances, appreciating the subtle messages and complex meanings. Most of all, at the end of the entire experience, I feel like praising God, just as the psalmists. I know, it's a rough analogy, but that's what I think.

I've been reading the Psalms for my daily devotions, and I really enjoy it. I get caught in a rut sometimes. Having grown up in a Christian family, I often feel like I've read everything so many times it gets boring. But as I'm taking a simple approach to the Psalms, I'm changing how I think about the Bible and how I pray. I've decided that I'm going to read three or four specific chapters, and I'm going to go over them several times in an attempt to delve deeper into their meanings. I'm hoping this will give me a new approach on how I read the Bible every day, and I already know that I'm growing. And I'm sticking with chapters that I'm not as familiar with. I don't aim for memorization, per say, just deep study (thanks for the Key Word Study Bible, Dad and Mom). Fav Psalm-91. Read it, it's sweet. I wanted it tattooed on my back....not just the reference, the entire thing.

Writing is going well. I'm going to work on it more tomorrow.

Paid for school today, not as expensive as I expected so I bought a 12pk of Guinness.

Feelings of hope make me excited for the work that I do, followed by trepidation that something might go wrong. I just need to trust God to do what's best for me. I have the feeling that I might be due for a serious mistake her pretty soon.....pray that I don't do something stupid.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

So... um...

Fight Club. I watched it again today. Bought it with a couple of other movies yesterday. Yeah, I get the irony. Man that's a depressing movie. Makes me feel aweful about the world, my job....myself. Am I masecistic? No. I don't like misery. I like tradgedy. After a LIT class I can appreciate the message in the story. Anyway, just thought I had to say something.

I feel like crap. But God is good, so it's all good.

Writing away

I got a good deal of writing done today....not as much as I would like but I know that I'll just start to butcher what I write from here on out. The changes to the story line are even more drastic than I originally thought they would be. Not that that's a bad thing, I truly like the changes....still! Anyway, I will pick up where I left off tomorrow after work or on Thursday.

Oh, and I caught the end of the match....Chelsea 0-Aston Villa 0. What I saw was an incredible game. If I didn't feel so strongly about my writing I would have watched the entire match, but oh well:)

So what?

Ok, so I'm working on my book again today. Chelsea is playing Aston Villa live at one, but I should really write. I haven't watched a good football match since the World Cup and Chelsea is second in the league (I think I'm rooting for Arsenal though). But I should really write.

I'm feeling like I don't want a girlfriend again. That's the way I am. It's not that I'm obsessed, it's more that most of my friends are happy in thier significant relationships, and I don't want a girlfriend. Dating is a joke. I want to get married, but we've had this conversation, and I should really write.

I had an idea regarding writing and TV. Something I've toyed around with since I got back from London. If I wasn't so paranoid about people steeling my good ideas and making money off of them, I'd write it here. If you want to know the idea, ask me :)

Anyway, I should really write.

Monday, January 01, 2007


My parents are fine. They worked everything out.

I'm ready to continue writing my book, I just need a laptop so I can do this out of the house at times.