Monday, September 05, 2011

Campaign Challenge 1 Entry

The door swung open, letting a burst of cold air into the flaming limo.  Firm hands darted in and wrapped around Andrew.  Fire licked at the left side of his body, and at the age of nine, he wondered why it didn’t hurt more.  Gunfire exploded all around him, along with the whoosh of molotov cocktails crashing over the streets.

“I got ya,” a gruff voice said in Andrew’s ear.  “You’re gonna be safe.”

“Mom,” Andrew wheezed.  He reached for the limo, desperate to get his mother before fire engulfed the entire car.  People were running everywhere, screaming in anger, pain, and fear.

“She’s lost, boy.  The tribes killed her.”  Bodies, broken and bloody, surrounded them.

“Why?” Andrew asked.

The man didn’t reply.  He just carried Andrew away from the chaos of the battle in the streets.  Dazed by the pain up and down his left side, Andrew watched as a man dressed in green carried a boy very much like him over to the car.  This boy didn’t move, and his eyes stared at the sky in lifeless horror.  The green man strapped the boy’s body into the limo.  The car burst into flame as the door swung shut.

39 comments:

  1. Whoa! Why did the other little boy die? This totally kept my attention. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This was full of suspense! I'm full of questions now--who is the green man? What are the tribes?

    Great entry! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. oh. my. stars. I need to know the rest of the story. Gripping. Totally gripping.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm glad so many of you like it :D.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh! Great intrigue. Really sets the hook well. I wished for more. A rescue, war/terrorism/, possibility that the 'rescuer' was with the group who killed his mother... Great. ~ Nadja

    ReplyDelete
  6. the mum in me cant get past the little boy seeing his mum die!so sad but gripping, great jobx hi from a very very inexperienced campaigner (number 62 in list)x

    ReplyDelete
  7. So much going on here! Well done. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Whoa, whoa, whoa - is this something you're writing or have finished? I need to read the whole thing. Loved this. Need more.

    ReplyDelete
  9. East Coaster - this is setting background to a my next book. I've already started creating characters, and I'm going to put together an outline soon. I can't go into too much detail, though, because that would be spoiling :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Who doesn't love a good Molotov cocktail? Good action, great submit! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ooo..Nice. I want to know more.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yeah! I am glad yours is as dark as mine. Love it! Good luck in the challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Holy moly, that was intense. More please. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOVE IT! That would be a fantastic start to a book.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Who did...how did...what the... Dear goodness I'm hooked. This was a great story. Awesome job.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow what a surprise in the end. Awesome job!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Very intriguing, i'd definitely read more :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Definitely grabs my attention. I need to know what happens now, please. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, that was great! One of the first I've seen with a car door, too!

    ReplyDelete
  20. You've left me with too many questions. lol. Great job on the challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  21. vivid, suspenseful scene. loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Very interesting, def had me wanting to know more. ; )

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow! What is going on? Utter chaos and he's right in the middle of it. Poor boy!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Great entry, Giles! I think this is the first military piece I've seen so far, and you pulled it off well! :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Congratulations. Your flash fiction has been chosen to go on to stage two of the competition. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four). Good luck with the next stages. I loved the twist to this story. You left me wanting to know more.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow! You did an excellent job with this scene, and left me wanting to know more. Great job! :D

    ReplyDelete
  27. Love the action, and tension. I feel SO bad for the boy. This is a great story!

    ReplyDelete
  28. That was great. So intense and still lots of questions. Fantastic job!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Wow- great post so many questions

    ReplyDelete
  30. Wow! I loved this, so much so that I think I'm gonna go read it again. :D Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I could so visualize this and really wanted to know what was going to happen next..

    ReplyDelete
  32. This is really well done. You kept my attention and have me curious about the green man and tribes. Thank you for sharing :)

    Samantha

    Writing Through College

    ReplyDelete
  33. Ooh, I love the last sentence!

    Based on your writing, I think you'll be a hit at our Blogfest, so would like to invite you to The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long shared-world fiction extravaganza in October with some great prizes, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing.

    The little boy would be welcome in the town of Renaissance!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Whoa, that was fierce and it hurt my heart a little bit, (in a good way). :D

    ReplyDelete
  35. yikes! That was cool, dropping the reader right in the action like that. And it left me curious for more... is this part of some longer work of yours, or a spur-of-the-moment inspiration?

    Thanx by popping in on my blog, btw!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Love the action (and the death). What can I say - I like characters dying...
    Very suspenseful and well written!

    ReplyDelete