Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Relationships

I'm going to take a moment to offer some relationship advice based on my own experiences.  I'm not sure what prompted this, but I'm glad I got the idea because I wanted to blog about something today.

So you know how, when you're in high school, and you're shy and/or infatuated with someone, you daydream about how you're going to ask them out?  And you know how you imagine what the relationship will be like?  Don't do that, and here's why: if, for whatever reason, it doesn't "live up" to your expectations, you could get really disappointed.

Don't imagine fights, either, or try to plan how you might handle a situation "in case it comes up."  Both of those things focus on YOUR imagination rather than reality.  And the more you do it, the less you associate reality with the person with whom you're in a relationship.  And that puts an expiration-date on the relationship.

I did that with two relationships, and they both tanked.  I haven't done that with my marriage, and while I haven't been married long enough to "have all the answers," I did learn that lesson.  I don't plot out how I'm going to win a fight should a certain argument come up.  I don't daydream about how much "better" the marriage might be if I made more money, or if she spent all of her free time brewing me beer.

Together, we plan for the future, and we live in the present.  As a result, we've gone more than four years without resenting each other.

That's my two cents.  Any thoughts?  Discussion is more than welcome.  As I said, I'm not an expert, but I did learn this lesson and it definitely applies to me because I do have a very active imagination.

4 comments:

  1. Always focus on the positive and don't allow negative thoughts to seep through.

    I choose to remain single, as I'm learning to love everyone unconditionally. I'm happy.

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  2. Emily Hash1:06 PM

    Buy me a kit, babe! ;)

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  3. As someone who was married, divorced and happly single for some time now, I agree that it seems you're on a positive track choosing to enjoy each other one day at a time and work together on what you'd like to achieve.

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  4. Great advice, Giles! When I was in high school I used to do that very thing and it never got me anywhere but disappointed. In my marriage, I still sometimes catch myself doing that (it usually has to do with coming home and making out passionately with my husband against the wall) I know it is a bad road to go down because a) when I leap at my husband to passionately make out with him against the wall, he usually flinches and steps backward which hurts my feelings and b) life is not a romantic comedy. :)

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who has learned this the hard way (though I am still learning it).

    Claire L. Fishback

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