For those who know me, they know I don't have a lot of time for reading, and (as a necessity), I have to spend a good deal of time focussing on fiction since reading fiction is one of the best ways to understand the art.
Anyway, these books are giving me a new perspective on writing, which means my critiquing methods are changing and becoming more focussed on ways to improve my friends' writing. In many ways, I feel bad for pointing out things that come across as failures in the writing. I don't want to be a know-it-all, and I know that my critique group knows that my suggestions are just suggestions that they can ignore or take under advisement as they see fit.
And that's where the art of critiquing comes in. I'm not an "authority" on proper writing. My word is not gospel. It's simply my perspective based on things that I'm reading and things that I think work for the writing in front of me. And when I make notes, I try to make sure that it comes across as my opinion. I don't attack the writer or say that something sucks, I say something like, "This feels wordy, it slows the narrative (with a 'for me' implied)," and then I make a rough suggestion on a way that might help them brainstorm ideas to reword it. "Maybe say something like
The flip side of that is when I sit down to GET critiqued, it's important to remember that they're showing me the exact same courtesy. They're not attacking me or my writing, they're picking it apart to help me make it better.
The only thing we do differently in our group is that, when appropriate, we're allowed to speak up for our work. But not to defend it! When someone says something doesn't work, we're allowed to (when the critiquing member is finished speaking) explain what we were going for with that particular passage. And at our group, we recognize that this is each other's way of trying to brainstorm ways to make sure that scene works AS INTENDED. We're not defending bad writing, we're trying to understand how to FIX bad writing by working WITH the other members of the group. And the biggest reason we jump in in the middle of a critique to ask those questions is because, even with note-taking, waiting until the end opens up way too many opportunities to forget the most important questions.