Nearly ten years ago, I sat down at my computer and started writing. I'd been dumped unceremoniously by a long-distance girlfriend who simply chose to stop answering the phone, rather than telling me it was over. I wrote about it because I didn't know what else to do. That's what I do, I write.
Sort of. A few months later, a second girlfriend broke up with me, and I had abandoned writing to be with her. In fact, I genuinely believed I was going to be a musician for the rest of my life. That breakup, in retrospect, showed me some terrifying facts about myself. I WANTED to be "that guy" who harasses and stalks an ex until she agrees to get back together with him. I DIDN'T do that, mostly because my parents raised me to not me a jerk. But co-dependence was close at hand, and by the Grace of God (and, yes, I mean the literally) I got my life turned around. I didn't because a loser, a predator, or even a selfish jerk.
Okay, I've had fits of arrogance and selfishness, but those have never led me to target other people. In fact, I use those opportunities to reevaluate myself and see how I can become a better person. For the sake of the people around me as much as for myself.
After a few years, I finished writing my first book. Actually wrote it, edited it, sent it to beta readers, then reedited it and revised it and so on until it was as good as I could make it. Then I started querying for the first time in my life, transforming this blog from a personal journal into an attempt at building an audience and sharing my thoughts on writing.
Meanwhile, I wrote another book. By the time I got done with THAT book, I realized (after about 80 rejections) the book I'd been querying REALLY sucked. So I threw it out, got beta readers to go through that second book (which was actually my fourth), revised, edited, revised again, and then WENT TO A CONFERENCE. I pitched it at the conference, queried agents, did more querying, etc. 70ish rejections later and one full request from an editor/founder of a small press, I realized THAT book sucked. And, no, I didn't send the book in to the editor. She wanted it as a middle grade novel which would have taken such a major rewrite that, in it's unpublishable state as a YA novel, would've been like trying to crop faded, washed-out wedding photos with pruning shears to make them "beautiful."
Take 3. I wrote another novel, still YA, but instead of fantasy (or urban fantasy), I switched to Sci-Fi. Actually, back up a bit to The Senator's Daughter (in the tab above this post). I was gaining readers on this blog. I wanted to write fiction for them to read. Something this blog could display. And my critique group told me to turn it into a novel. I said, "No. It's a short story for my blog." But the thought nagged at me. So, that lead to Take 3. A novel about a young woman who accidentally steals a military battleship and has to fight pirates, invading aliens, and the boy who brought her on board to impress her on their first date.
I'm querying that novel as of this post and writing a new YA sci-fi. If you're reading this, chances are good that you Googled me. This blog comes up as one of the first hits. Which, after ten years, isn't as significant as it might once have been.
This blog, regardless of how much effort I put into it, never attracted much attention. From me or any other readers. And most of that is because I have a full-time job, a wife, and a writing career that I'm trying to jump-start. Every word I write on this blog is a word that COULD go into a book. I don't have time to wander from blog to blog, writing simple "I agree" comments in all the posts, and moving on from there in the hopes that they'll return the favor and comment on my blog. I've found that my opinions in the writing world generally conform to what the "industry insiders" are saying. So commenting (adding NOTHING of value to the conversation) seems like a waste of time, especially when I have so little time to actually write.
With Denver Comic Con 2014 behind us, Beyond the Trope is moving forward with momentum we couldn't have imagined. We're lining up new interviews, putting together awesome content, and collaborating on projects that will help all three of us put together a platform. Which isn't what the podcast is about, but it's a (hopefully) convenient side-effect.
What does all this have to do with the title of this post? My aspirations are as high as ever. But this blog is dragging me down. I feel guilty when I don't blog, and when I do, I have nothing to say. I've changed in the last decade. So has the internet. My blog is one of MILLIONS. I'm screaming into the storm, and I have nothing left to say. Not here. Not in this format. That's what books are for. I'm not done blogging. I'll still be at the Beyond the Trope blog every Wednesday. In the future, I'll put together another blog, I'm sure. When I have an agent, a writing contract. Something to say and people who want me to say it.
I'm done pretending that someone is going to drift by, read this blog, and ask me for samples of my writing. If I'm doing my job with my novel and my query letter, that'll be enough. I'm not controversial, notable, or engaged in every minute of every blog post on every writing topic in the universe. So my writing has to speak for itself.
Random posts may appear now and then when the whim takes over, but don't count on it. This blog is, probably, dead. And this post is the epitaph. Beyond the Trope is my future, and writing novels. I wouldn't be where I am without this blog, but holding on would be an exercise in futility.
Thank you for stopping by. Feel free to read the archives, post a comment if you want me to get your message (I WILL respond!), and read The Senator's Daughter.